Most single women who are strong and successful believe than men don´t approach them because they are intimidating.
Up until I was twenty-four, I was single all the time; a boyfriend was never on the scene. I was an achiever, a member of the cream of the crop scholars in our university, and after I graduated, I was a Maths teacher and professional debate trainer who wouldn´t back off from any challenging or competitive debate.
I trained university and high school debaters abroad and brought them to national debate tournaments side by side my teaching IGCSE to year 10s and 11s. I was never scared of competition; I always held my head high. Professionally, I saw myself successful.
But when it came to my love life, I was far from successful. I didn´t have the confidence it took to deal with men romantically.
I used to blame it to my strong personality. Like many strong women, I thought that men are intimidated by my strength.
Men are not intimidated by strong women.
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Looking back, I understood that the real reason why no men approached me was not my strength, but my attitude. I didn´t smile. I wasn´t looking friendly. And I knew I looked arrogant.
I wasn´t really arrogant in nature, but because of my lack of self-confidence coupled with my shyness, I used arrogance as a cover.
This is what Steve Harvey in his book, Straight Talk, No Chaser: How to Find, Keep, and Understand a Man, described as women who are professionally successful but don´t know how to deal with men.
If only I smiled to that smart guy in the university who was always looking at me with admiration and whom I was also attracted to, if only I was friendly to that instructor in graduate school who always found a way to debate with me in Political Science courses just so he could get my attention, if only I had more self-confidence to be comfortable around men during my late teens and early twenties, for sure my love life wouldn’t be zero.
But I´m glad that I woke up. Before I hit twenty-five I admitted to myself that men are not intimidated by my strength, but that my unapproachable personality was what stopping them from approaching me. I decided I had to change.
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Steve Harvey pointed it right, “men watch you as you talk to the lady in the cafeteria at work, and how you sit with only a certain type of person, but avoid anyone who doesn´t fit into your mold of “success”. Men sense it when you´re throwing a “you´re really beneath me, why are you over here” vibe, men determine certain things about you before they walk that long stretch to get to you.”
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Men are not afraid of your success, but they are afraid of rejection. If they sense just by looking at you that they will get rejected, they won´t approach you.
So if you´re single and successful, and if you think it´s your strength or success that intimidates men, think again. Do you look approachable? Do you smile? Or do you exude an ambiance of “I´m above you, you´re below me!”?