We are lucky to live in an era when choosing a life partner is largely made with free will. Although in some places parents and relatives are still the ones who do the decision, most young people nowadays are able to look for an ideal partner through their own exploration and adventure.
One identifier that leads to finding your soul mate is relationship compatibility. Compatibility is your ability to live harmoniously together and adjust with each other easily. But achieving relationship compatibility with a partner is more than just consulting a psychic and having her read your palms and consult the stars. This is more about knowing yourself in a really deep level and knowing the kind and type of person that would fit well with your entire package.
If you need help to deepen your understanding of yourself, your partner and your relationship, you should read Paul and Barbara Barron-Tieger´s Just Your Type: Create the Relationship You’ve Always Wanted Using the Secrets of Personality Type.
Knowing your level of compatibility with a person is one of the important steps in choosing a companion for successful marriage. Here are five identifiers of relationship compatibility.
When I was in my early twenties I spent most of my time taking personality tests. I had this big urge to know myself well and it really paid off. Understanding the type of personality you have is crucial not only for finding a happy intimate relationship but also in relating with people and doing well at work.
Jung Typology Test identifies my personality type as INFJ (Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging). In layman´s terms I´m a creative person who is more introvert than extrovert. Oftentimes though, I´m mistaken as extrovert because I engage well in a crowd and I appear so outgoing due to my genuine interest in people. But deep down there´s nothing I love more than retreating to my safety haven after all my energy is depleted from too much giving. Yes, I´m a giver by nature and I find satisfaction in assuming responsibilities.
Did you know that there´s a formula to make a man feel that special desire for you? Make Him Desire You.
What has this got to do with finding my soul mate? Well, clearly I can´t live harmoniously with someone who´s over 80% extrovert, who wants to go out and interact with people all the time. I can´t imagine the anxiety I have to endure if our home is always open to people and visitors, I can´t fathom the level of stress I have to take if I´m married to someone who´s always on the go.
It´s also important to find a partner whom you share similar interests. It includes the type of music you like to listen, your diet, your hobbies, and the frequency of travel you´re willing to do each year, and so on.
If you´re thinking that food is the least to worry you, think again. Remember that one of the main reasons Gwyneth Paltrow and husband Chris Martin are consciously uncoupling is Gwyneth´s strict diet. My husband and I had to take serious compromises early on our marriage because I don´t eat pork and seafood, he loves those foods.
My husband loves to talk about politics while I prefer telling and analyzing stories. One of our biggest fights was caused by this direct opposite of interests.
You´re probably madly in love with your boyfriend but if you still want to explore the world and he wants to start building a family, your plans are clearly not aligned with each other. This is the talk I had with my brother´s girlfriend last month.
They just got back together after a two-year break up and they´re starting to discuss about their future plans together. The girlfriend mentioned to my brother that she still wants to work abroad for two years and see places before tying the knot. The boyfriend initially did not approve because for him, working abroad is never an option. Eventually they had to resolve this difference or they run the risk of breaking up once again.
Other plans that need to be discussed before marriage are children and the elderly. Do you both want to have children? How are you going to take care of your parents if they grow old?
Values are directly influenced by the type of our upbringing. They´re also influenced by our culture. Is it important for you to choose a partner who doesn´t smoke or drink? Are tattoos, piercings and earrings fine with you?
Make him commit and surrender his heart to you, learn how to be “the woman men adore and never want to leave”.
Are you looking for a man who respects his parents and who loves pets?
My mother has a high-reactive temperament while my father´s cool and slow to anger. Theirs was a good combination because while my mom easily gets irritated, my dad is quick to let it go.
My mother´s sisters have the same type of temperament, they easily explode. But there´s one important observation that I gathered from them – their husbands, including my dad, who were cool at the start of their marriage, were influenced by their spouses´ temperament. After years of marriage the husbands are now quick to raise their voice.
Temperament is a main product of inheritance which is not easily molded. While still dating, observe your boyfriend´s temperament as well as of his family´s, if possible. Take this into consideration once marriage talk is brought to the table.
Relationship Compatibility does not necessary predict a successful marriage because there are still so much work both of you need to put on to make marriage work. But these five important factors are important in identifying whether or not you will achieve a lasting intimacy in your relationship.
photo credit: Emery Co Photo