Initiating that serious talk with him when you´re still on the getting-to-know-each-other stage is a bad idea.
After a month of getting to know each other with the man you´re attracted to, you tend to already fantasize the future and see you both as an item.
Fast forward two or three months later, after all those fun and happy playful dates, and he still didn´t pop the question, “Will you be my girlfriend?”, you feel the pressure to do the initiative, sit him to a serious talk and ask, “where is this whole thing going?”
But instead of maneuvering what you and him already have into the path that you want it to go, you simply kill the fun because now, he feels like everything suddenly got too serious.
Whether he is or isn´t ready yet, men hate it when they are being led on, especially unto serious relationships.
If you want him to love you, learn how to capture his heart and love you forever.
We women are very much guilty of this, being too serious too soon in a relationship. That includes talking about marriage immediately after a few months since you two officially became an item.
I made this deadly mistake several times in a potential relationship and shortly thereafter, it spoiled everything up.
The scariest thing however, I didn´t know what killed all those relationships until they were all so over and I found myself wondering, what did I do to put those men off?
Through research and reading many relationship advice, I learned that my initiating that serious talk with him was what killed what we had.
Here are three reasons why having a serious talk with him is a bad idea.
1. He probably isn´t ready yet
He finds you nice, attractive, easy to get along and fun to be with, but that doesn´t mean he already knows if you´re really the one for him.
He needs to assess things in his own time and his own terms.
If you pop that seriously dreaded question early, you´re stripping him of that chance to get to know you more and to decide that indeed, you´re that type of woman who men want to marry.
I recently read Steve Harvey´s Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man book and in the first chapter, he discussed about what drives men. He says that men are driven to achieve three things – who they are, what they do, and how much they make.
Everything a man does is filtered through his title (who he is), how he gets that title (what he does), and the rewards he gets for that effort (how much he makes).
Unless he achieves these three, he isn´t truly an accomplished or fulfilled man. “And unless he´s achieved his goals in those three areas, the man you´re dating, committed to, or married to will be too busy to focus on you.”
So the next time you feel the urge to initiate a serious talk with him, pause … ask yourself … has he already accomplished his three drives?
2. It gives him the idea that you´re so over him
Once you sit him to a serious talk, you are very likely to profess your love for him, that you feel that he´s the one, how about him, does he feel the same for you?
Professing how much he means to you and wanting to know if you mean as much to him kills the chase. He wants to chase you and not the other way around.
Making him address where you both are heading in a serious manner is a killer because it cuts the chase.
Make him commit and surrender his heart to you, learn how to be “the woman men adore and never want to leave”.
3. He wants that “serious talk” to be his idea.
Men of all walks of life and backgrounds want to be the leader, especially on his romantic relationship. No men want to be a phony unless probably they have other motives other than love.
That means that as a leader, this whole serious talk needs to be his idea. He´ll love to guide you into having a serious talk at the right time if you let it be his idea.
Don´t ruin whatever good things you have with him by initiating a serious talk early. In fact you should consider the idea of never initiating that talk. It´s not your job, it´s his.
Instead of worrying when are things going to be clear between you, focus on having fun (and by having fun that doesn´t mean not having standards), enjoy yourself and don´t be too serious.
Once he´s ready to guide you into that serious talk that you so await, you´ll feel great because you know that he´d put so much thought on it and that he really wants to be a part of your life.
But in every rule there´s an exception. Find out when you should give him an ultimatum in my article, how to get a man to propose.
Or, if you´ve been dating this guy for months (even years!) and you´re still insecure about his feelings for you, know when to have that serious talk with him.
Did you ever have a serious talk with him through your own initiative? How did it affect your relationship?