“Staying in a bad relationship is dangerous to your health. It can shake your self-esteem and destroy your self-confidence as surely as smoking can damage your lungs.” ~ Howard M. Halpen, How to Break Your Addiction to a Person
It´s very hard to end a relationship. That´s the reason why many women prefer to stay in a bad relationship, even if it´s slowly killing them, because they lack the courage to go through the hard process. But how do you know if a relationship is bad for you? How do you know if you should fight for it or flight from it?
Just because your relationship is going through a difficult period of discord or a time of challenges does not mean it´s a bad relationship.
There´s a thick line between a relationship that´s bad for you and a relationship that´s worth your effort and investment.
Here are six signs of a bad relationship. If any of these situations is true to you, then it means that you´re in an unhealthy relationship.
1. A relationship that is dead end.
A dead end relationship is easy to identify—it´s over. There´s just no hope for it, he doesn´t love you and you don´t know any more if you still love him. In fact, you can´t remember why you´re in that relationship and you don´t even know why you´re still there.
I have a friend, she´s from Dominican Republic. She married a German who´s several years her senior. Things weren´t too bad in the beginning, but after a year of living together they started sleeping in different rooms, and fast forward three years later things are still like that. They´re not a married couple, they´re boardmates.
The husband never says “I love you” to her, never buys anything for her or treats her to dinner, never travels with her, never visits her family even if he always travels back and forth to her home country, and she´s never allowed to accept visitors to their house. Her husband tells her that if she wants visitors, she should get her own place.
She has to work hard to pay for her every need because the only thing that her husband provides for her is a place to sleep.
That´s a very dead end marriage.
If you know that your relationship isn´t growing, you´re unhappy and you can´t be who you are, it´s dead end.
2. Attachment to people who are painfully unattainable.
Are you attached to men who are committed to someone else? Are you dating a guy with a girlfriend who only meets up with you if he´s able to sneak away from his fiancée? Are you dating a man who´s married and whose wife and children will always be his priority?
How about men who don´t want to commit? They are the second type of unattainable people who are seriously a waste of time. I had a co-teacher, she´s a single parent and the father of her child is a perfect example of a man who never wants to commit.
If you want to get a man´s attention and make him pursue you, learn how to conquer love by playing hard to get.
When she got pregnant, they lived together. But there were never talks of marriage, the guy made it clear that he doesn´t believe in marriage. He provided for her and her son´s needs, but she could not question him whenever he comes home late or if he disappears during the weekend. She could not even ask where´s the rest of his salary.
Whenever she attempted to question, the guy would tell her, “Aren´t your needs provided?” After years of waiting and hoping, eventually she packed up, took her son and left.
The third type of unattainable men are those incapable of a relationship. Typically this kind of men are easy to spot—they still haven´t figured their lives, still depend on their parents, still immature, ego-centric and unable to handle responsibilities. They´d rather sit whole day and play video games.
Or, they may have a relatively okay career but they can´t decide for a thing without getting their mom´s approval.
A man who´s committed to someone else, who don´t want a committed relationship with you, or who is not capable of having and handling a relationship are painfully unattainable men. If you force a relationship with them, what you´ll get is an unhealthy, bad relationship.
3. A mismatched relationship.
If you and the guy you´re dating are in two different wavelengths and there´s too little to no common ground, then you´re in a mismatched relationship.
For example, you may be an adventurer. You want to move to bigger cities, climb the ladder and enjoy a challenging fruitful career. Your guy prefers the countryside, grow a ranch and keep it low-key.
Another example of a mismatched is interfaith relationship. A devoted Catholic and a devoted protestant are very likely to clash, unless one or both of them will retreat from their devotion and find a compromise.
If you have a strong relationship with God and he´s an atheist, it can´t be more mismatched than that.
4. A relationship which is chronically lacking of what one or both partners need or want.
If there´s no trust, respect, love or tenderness, honesty or emotional support, and for married couple a marriage which is lacking sexuality or stimulation, then it´s a bad relationship.
No relationship will thrive if your or your partner´s needs and wants aren´t met.
5. A wasteland relationship.
This is the kind of relationship which both partners involved are wasted in emptiness, loneliness, distance or deprivation. Or it´s a relationship which breeds a battleground of hatred, rage and abuse.
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Sometimes you know that you should leave and end a relationship, but you´re not sure if it´s really the right thing to do. But staying in a bad relationship will only do more harm to your well-being than good. It will slowly eat you away, and kill you little by little every day.
The first step is to identify if what you have is indeed a bad relationship. Using the five signs above, diagnose the kind of relationship that you´re in. Once you´ve made the decision to leave, you´ve already won the toughest part of the battle.