Have you been dating this guy for months (or even years!) and you´re still unsure of where you stand? Find out when to have that serious talk with him.
One of the most popular articles here at Glee Dating is the 3 Reasons Women Should Not Initiate That Serious Talk with Him.
That article is built on the premise that despite it being a cliché, men are still intrigued with the thrill of the chase. But popping that seriously dreaded question early when you are still in the getting-to-know-each-other dating phase cuts the chase.
In the first month or two, don’t plan to see a guy more than twice a week. “It’s important to let a relationship unfold organically,” says psychotherapist Susan Axtell. Over time, the natural relationship trajectory is to progress to hanging out several nights a week and at least one night of the weekend.
That´s why you don´t want to have that serious talk with him early because it disrupts the natural progression of your relationship.
If you feel a little insecure when you first start dating him, remember that it´s normal. But you don´t want to come off as desperate for love by asking him, “So, where is this whole thing going?” while he´s still trying to get to know more about you or worse, as a needy girlfriend by displaying all the 51 traits of needy women.
Normally, at around four months, the guy should already know if he wants to have a relationship with you. Around this time he should already be able to make up his mind, do the initiative and pop that most-awaited question, “Will you be my girlfriend?”
If you´ve already been dating him for over five months and you still don´t know where you stand, or you´re still unsure if he has feelings for you, or if he wants to have a relationship with you, then it´s time that you initiate that serious talk with him.
Ask your guy if he’s willing to offer more of a commitment. If the answer is no, or if he does not give you a clear answer, then you need to assess the situation.
“Eventually, you’re going to want a boyfriend you can lean on emotionally from time to time without feeling like you’re asking too much,” says Debbie Magids, PhD, coauthor of All the Good Ones Aren’t Taken.
But what if the serious talk that you want to have with him is about marriage? Should you ask your boyfriend, “So when are you going to propose?”
Make him commit and surrender his heart to you, learn how to be “the woman men adore and never want to leave”.
From my experience, if the guy is already ready to settle down, which means he has already satisfied his three drives—who he is, what he is, and how much he makes—one to two years of dating is sufficient time for him to make up his mind and decide that indeed, you´re the type of woman that he wants to marry and thus, propose.
My husband proposed to me after a year of dating. I was 26, he was 31, and we were both professionals.
Basically, you don´t want to keep hanging around for years waiting for him to propose if you don´t even know if he has any plans to commit for marriage.
I once sat at a table with a group of new acquaintance, European women when some of the girls asked this particular woman (they´re all friends) why she and her boyfriend of over two years were still not getting married. Her reply was, “I don´t know. Ask him.”
Four and a half years later (as of this writing), their relationship has still not progressed to marriage. Still no ring, still no signs of wedding bells. But they´re still together. Their type of setup benefits the guy in many ways. He still lives with his parents but often stays with her in her apartment. His mama still does his laundry while she cooks for him when he´s with her. Why would a man give up such as fabulous setup?
The problem with sticking around for years without a clear picture of a commitment is you´re getting old. You have a biological clock. Men don´t have to worry about those things like you do.
What is your timeframe? Do you want to get married by the time you´re 31 and have kids by 33? How about him? What age does he plan to settle down? You´ll have to be able to ask him these questions along the way.
If you´re still on the first year of your relationship subtly ask him non-invasive questions such as, “At what age do you see yourself settled down?” or “Do you want to have kids? How many?” His answers would give you a hint of his plans for his future and if he sees a future with you together.
Did you know that there´s a formula to make a man feel that special desire for you? Make Him Desire You.
But if you´ve been dating your guy for over two years and you don´t want to keep waiting for years before finding the answer to whether or not he sees you as a wife material, then don´t wait too long, sit him to a serious talk. Ask your guy if he’s willing to offer more of a life-long commitment.
If the answer is “No”, then it´s time to end the waiting and start looking for the man who will give you that kind of commitment that you want.