If you keep on attracting unserious men who just want to sleep with you and not commit, it´s time to examine your rules, standards and self-respect.
Hi, thank you for the free eBooks. My question is why do I attract unserious guys who just want to sleep with me and not commit to a relationship? ~ Lami
Did you know that men classify women into two types? They see you as either a keeper or a throwback.
If they see you as a keeper, then to them, you´re one of the type of women that men want to marry. If they´re at the stage when they still want to explore and they´re not ready to tie it down, they will avoid you. They know that if they try to mess it up with you, the only thing they´ll get is rejection. And men are afraid of rejection, so they won´t even try to waste your time.
But if they see you as a throwback, then they´re very eager to pursue you until they get the treat. They will love playing games with you. They will enjoy you, but they won´t commit to you. They will try to make you feel and think like they´re into you, but the moment you give them what they really want, which is throwback in the bedroom, they’re quick to disappear.
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And guess what? Men classify you even from a distance. If they smell that you´re a throwback, they´ll approach you. And the moment you open your mouth, what comes out of it will confirm whether or not their assessment of you is correct.
But many throwback women are like you, they don´t know what they do or say that make them attract sports fishers. Many throwback women are actually dying for a serious, committed relationship, even marriage. But they can´t figure why it´s always elusive to them.
Why Do I Attract Unserious Men
Even a “keeper” will attract unserious men once in a while. We´ll call these unserious men “sports fishers”, a term coined by Steve Harvey. But a keeper can quickly tell if a man is sports fishing. She won´t bother waiting for him to do it right with her, she is brave and quick to walk away.
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But if you´re always attracting men who are not serious and are unwilling to commit, men who only want to sleep with you, then it means that your actions and words speak clearly of you being a throwback.
You don´t know how to control things that you can control. You don´t have standards or if you do, you don´t communicate them clearly and early. You don´t have any rules, requirements, respect for yourself, or guidelines.
Let me give you an example. A man approached you, did small-talk with you and asked for your number. You gave him your mobile phone and house phone numbers, and as a giveaway you also gave him your email.
The man waited longer than twenty-four hours before calling you. To be exact, he called you three days later.
You were so over-the-moon because an attractive guy just called and asked you out. You sounded so eager over the phone, you can´t wait to see him again. You didn´t realize that a guy who waits for over twenty-four hours is most likely sports fishing. If he´s genuinely interested on you, he would call you right away. Unless of course he´s a surgeon who had to perform three surgeries in a row.
Let´s go back to the time when he approached you to get your number. You know what a keeper would do? She´d tell him, “Oh, I don´t giveaway my number. But you can give me your calling card instead.” She may or may not call him, depending on if she finds him attractive or not, but she definitely won´t call him five hours later.
You see the difference? The keeper took control of the situation.
If you want to be a “keeper” instead of a throwback, you must learn to control what you can control — your image, the way you conduct yourself, the way you let men talk to and approach you — and use that to get the relationship you want.
Make him commit and surrender his heart to you, learn how to be “the woman men adore and never want to leave”.
A keeper also has rules and she communicates them early. For example, if a guy calls her and asks her if he could pick her up tonight for dinner, she won´t drop everything in her calendar to accommodate him. She will tell him that she does not accept invitations that are not in her calendar, she´s a busy gal. Or if he called her at seven to pick her up at ten at night, she´ll decline because she does not accept last-minute notices (this may become flexible for couples in a committed relationship).
A keeper commands respect. But if you let men get away with disrespecting you — such as showing up late — you´re telling them that you´re a throwback.
The ways you dress, talk and conduct yourself send clear signals to men.
Examine how you dress. Are you dressed appropriately? Do you have your goodies properly covered while still looking sexy? Or are you scantily clad?
Examine the way you talk and the language you use; is it confident, proper and elegant? Are you able to hold a respectful, respectable conversation with a man, his friends and family, or do you usually stammer and unable to construct coherent sentences?
Based from your question, it´s implied that you know in yourself you want a committed relationship. But do you make this known to a man upfront or do you tell him you have no expectations, you just want to enjoy and see how it goes?
These are just some of the possible reasons why you keep on attracting unserious, sports fishing men. If you want to know more about standards and how to make men respect you, I recommend Steve Harvey´s Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.
I hope this helps.