Why men pull away can be baffling especially if they´ve hinted that they like you. But it´s a deliberate mind game that if you know how to handle well, will work for your advantage.
Have you ever experienced having a man so all over you just to have him act uninterested the next day?
When he pulls back, does that mean he´s no longer interested? What should you do?
First, let´s understand why men pull away early in dating so you would stop cracking your head figuring out why.
Even if a man is into you, he may pull back just to see how you´ll react (Note: may … because not every man feels the need to pull back).
This is the scenario: You and him are dating. You like him, he likes you and he´s very enthusiastic. Things seem to be going really well. Then, for no explained or apparent reason, he stops being in touch completely. What´s more? You didn´t even notice that this was coming.
You worry, so you text him. Or you may even try to call him. But what you get is radio silence.
Sherry Argov, in her book, Why Men Love Bitches, calls this a man´s mind game or “mental challenge”.
Pulling away means not calling you, not sending you emails and text messages, not replying to your text messages and not returning your calls, or not seeing you for a while. It means not hearing from him longer than usual.
Even if it can be utterly confusing for you when he does that, especially if you really like him, how you react to his absence will set the stage if he´s going to fall in love with you, take advantage of you, or pull away for good.
“It´s human nature for a man to test the waters”, says Argov, “he wants to see how much he can get away with.”
Here are the three reasons why the man who seems to like you will pull away:
1. To see how much you need this relationship.
Most men deliberately don´t call just to see how you´ll respond. If you´re upset, it sends him the clear message how much you want this relationship.
And if you badly need this relationship, he knows that he has 100 percent hold on you.
Early in dating, starting from day one, he´s already calculating how much he can get away with. Are you willing to stretch, bow and bend backward just to have a relationship with him?
2. To gain reassurance
When it comes to getting reassurance that you like him, he certainly won´t be verbal about it. He´s very unlikely to initiate that serious talk with you and you certainly won´t hear him say, “Honey, we need to talk. I need to know where I stand with you.”
Instead, he will pull back. He won´t call you. And you probably won´t hear from him for days.
Pulling back is also necessary for him to figure out if you´re the type of woman that he wants to marry.
When you react emotionally, it gives him a feeling of control. And if you react emotionally all the time, over time he will come to see you as less of a challenge. You must know by now that the number one pet peeve for men is a needy girlfriend.
So what are you to do?
It´s important for you to show him that you are interested without going too far. You may text him telling him that you miss him, and that you wish him a wonderful day, but if you don´t get a reply, you stop there. Don´t bombard him with more text messages, emails or phone calls.
Make him commit and surrender his heart to you, learn how to be “the woman men adore and never want to leave”.
“The most important thing here is not to behave like a doormat. He’s treating you in a way that he can’t expect any woman to accept.” ~ Mimi Tanner
Listen ladies, even if men tend to use the pull back method early in relationship, this is not the way a gentleman will treat her lady. He’s treating you in a way that he can’t expect any woman to accept.
Yet some women, when treated this way, send out signals that this is NOT a deal-breaker! They become extra sympathetic and caring, thus filling the role of a doormat.
Be careful what signal you send.
This man knows exactly what he´s doing when he stops contacting you, so don´t over-rationalize it.
The thing is, men like this frequently do return. Why do they return? To find out if you value yourself or if you are desperate.
If he shows himself up, tell him you´re happy to see him (which sends a hint that you like him … but not need him), but don´t be emotional about his absence. Don´t ask him “what happened to you?”, just sit back and let him do the explaining.
Hear him out for his reason. And whatever he says, you can tell him you´ll think about it. (Make sure you certainly think about it!) The less emotion you show, the better.
Remember that if he can getaway with this one, he is likely to rinse repeat. Don´t start believing that he won´t disappear in a whim yet again.
3. His Real Reason is Either One of These Two:
1.) He´s already involved with someone else. If this is the reason, read why you shouldn´t date someone with a girlfriend.
2.) He´s very unsure of his feelings for you. Sorry to disappoint you, ladies, but if a man is seriously into you, and is genuinely wanting to have a relationship with you, he won´t feel the need to pull back.
I am speaking from experience here. I have dated a few men who pulled back early in dating, which in every case made me vulnerable and emotional. I used to believe it´s pretty normal for a guy to pull back, put the relationship to a halt, and that it´s perfectly acceptable. It all ended the same, I wasn´t a priority to these men.
Until I met the man who was genuinely into me, there was no pull back drama. From day one he treated me like a goddess, and I never felt disrespected. It didn´t take long for him to decide that I´m “the one”, and that´s why I married him.
If you want him to love you, learn how to capture his heart and love you forever.
While this guy is still pulling back on you, think well if you really want to be with him or if you rather move on and be with someone who truly wants to have a relationship with you.
If he comes back and you decide you want to give him another chance, the ball should be in your court. Don´t make it easy for him to slip back to where he left you. Don´t drop everything and and see this guy the same day he finally decides to see you.
Don´t be too eager to continue the romance with him. Don´t let him do the “whirlwind” courtship with you again. Put your dates with him on a diet. Let this dance of romance progress according to your own music.
This man needs some serious doing – he needs to gain back your trust, to assure you that he´s reliable, and to prove to you that he´s worth your time.
In the meantime, find ways to distract yourself from this particular man. Focus on your career, your hobby, or whatever it is that makes you happy, successful and independent. Men will love and respect you more if you are self-sufficient, confident, and happy with or without him. This man will desire you more if you aren´t obsessed with him.
Thus, if you´re on a getting-to-know phase with a man and he pulls away, remember the reasons why he does that, and remember to not chase him or give him attitude. This will make you more attractive in his eyes.