Why men pull away can be baffling especially if they´ve hinted that they like you. But it´s a deliberate mind game that if you know how to handle well, will work for your advantage.
Have you ever experienced having a man so all over you just to have him act uninterested the next day?
When he pulls back, does that mean he´s no longer interested? What should you do?
First, let´s understand why men pull away early in dating so you would stop cracking your head figuring out why.
Even if a man is really into you, he will pull back just to see how you´ll react.
Sherry Argov, in her book, Why Men Love Bitches, calls this a man´s mind game or “mental challenge”.
Pulling away means not calling you, or not sending you emails and text messages, or not seeing you for a while. It means not hearing from him longer than usual.
Even if it can be utterly confusing for you when he does that, especially if you really like him, how you react to his absence will set the stage if he´s going to fall in love with you, take advantage of you, or pull away for good.
“It´s human nature for a man to test the waters”, says Argov, “he wants to see how much he can get away with.”
Here are the three reasons why the man who seems to like you will pull away:
1. To see how much you need this relationship.
Most men deliberately don´t call just to see how you´ll respond. If you´re upset, it sends him the clear message how much you want this relationship.
And if you badly need this relationship, he knows that he has 100 percent hold on you.
Early in dating, starting from day one, he´s already calculating how much he can get away with. Are you willing to stretch, bow and bend backward just to have a relationship with him?
2. To gain reassurance
When it comes to getting reassurance that you like him, he certainly won´t be verbal about it. He´s very unlikely to initiate that serious talk with you and you certainly won´t hear him say, “Honey, we need to talk. I need to know where I stand with you.”
Instead, he will pull back. He won´t call you. And you probably won´t hear from him for days.
Pulling back is also necessary for him to figure out if you´re the type of woman that he wants to marry.
When you react emotionally, it gives him a feeling of control. And if you react emotionally all the time, over time he will come to see you as less of a challenge. You must know by now that the number one pet peeve for men is a needy girlfriend.
So what are you to do?
Don´t do anything. Don´t call him. Don´t email him. Don´t text him. And don´t go to his place. This is when your “hard to get” tactic will come to action. Wait for him to call you. Wait for him to email you or text you.
Wait for him to visit you.
Once he shows himself up, tell him you´re happy to see him (which sends a hint that you like him but not need him), but don´t be emotional about his absence.
Make him commit and surrender his heart to you, learn how to be “the woman men adore and never want to leave”.
The next time he pulls away again, and shows himself up again, tell him, “Oh hi! It´s nice to hear from you. I was so busy these past days that I didn´t even remember when´s the last time you called.”
Don´t show him that you missed him, show him instead that your world went perfectly great without him. You want him to know that you´re perfectly happy alone.
This will be your own mind game. Because if a man can´t tell how you´ll react if he pulls back, you´ll remain a mental challenge to him. And the more he sees you as a challenged, the more that he´ll pursue you.
3. To have the freedom to breath
Men by nature are cave men. There will be times when they want to run away from the crowd and just retreat to their cave. This is the time when he wants to freely breathe some fresh air.
If you´re smart, or at least well-read, you know that it´s absolutely a no-no to disrupt a man who´s escaping to his cave. He needs this time to be alone, to process his thoughts, to find solutions to his problems if he does have problems, or to just be alone with himself.
Give him his space. Don´t disturb him.
If you want him to love you, learn how to capture his heart and love you forever.
Instead, focus on your career, your hobby, or whatever it is that makes you happy, successful and independent. Men will love and respect you more if you are self-sufficient, confident, and happy with or without him.
Once he comes out of his cave, welcome him but don´t give him an attitude.
If he sees that you haven´t even noticed that he´s gone a little longer, it will make him unsure whether or not you miss him (read: need him) when he´s not around. And this will give him a reason to come your way.
Thus, if you´re on a getting-to-know phase with a man and he pulls away, remember the reasons why he does that, and remember to not chase him or give him attitude. This will make you more attractive in his eyes.