When it comes to being nice to men, where do you draw the line? If he tells you that he needs your monetary help, are you willing to give?
A woman I know is too nice to her boyfriend. They both work as teachers in Thailand, although she earns more than her boyfriend thanks to her sideline private tutorials. The boyfriend also has a part-time job. He´s a member of a boyband which performs in restaurants or hotels.
They live together. But while her boyfriend keeps his money to himself, she pays the rent, for their food, their travelling (which is at least once a year), his shopping (he fancies expensive stuff!), and even for his parent´s financial assistance.
Six years later and they´re still living together, with the same set-up, but with no discussions whatsoever for a future together.
A friend of mine is also too nice to the men she dates. She had a boyfriend who´s a graduate of civil engineering. Somewhere down their relationship, she decided to work abroad so she could save some money and also help her family.
Her boyfriend went to a review school to prepare for his board exam. He asked her to pay for his review which he would pay back once he passes the exam and he gets a job. My friend happily complied.
When he applied for the board exam, he asked her to pay for the fees. She paid for them as well.
A year later, when her boyfriend was already a certified civil engineer and with a handsome job, she went home for a vacation excited to see her accomplished boyfriend. But during their meet-up, her whole world crashed when he showed up with his fiancée.
All the while she was sending money to that unfaithful man like a sugar mom. No payment was ever made.
But it didn´t stop there. Broken hearted and single, back to the isolation abroad, her ex-boyfriend (from her university days), still a single man, started contacting her hinting for a possible courtship.
She welcomed him. Then he asked to loan some money, which she quickly agreed. After the money was wired, her illusion of getting back with her ex slowly faded.
Being “too nice” is a trait of needy women.
Another woman, whose story I read on the internet, ended up in financial ruins because of being too nice.
Her boyfriend asked her to loan him money for the down payment of his house. He also invited her to live with him. But the house he bought is in another city, far from her work and where she currently lived.
Overjoyed from the invitation, she resigned from her job, moved to his city and took a new job, and gave him her entire savings and monthly salary to help pay his house, expecting that he would marry her. Many months later, her boyfriend unceremoniously dumped her and demanded that she leave his house.
Penniless and homeless, away from her family and friends, she didn´t know what to do or where to go. She went to a 24 hours store and cried her eyes out until some workmates found her and gave her a place to stay.
Shocking, right? But the reality is, this is happening to a lot of women.
So what´s the good rule of thumb when it comes to loaning money? Don´t.
Do. NOT. Loan. Money. To. A. Man. You. Are. Dating.
Because if you are a nice girl who runs to his aid the moment you sense that he needs you, chances are, you will give blindly.
Usually it´s the women who are struggling who don´t think twice about handing out their hard-earned money. For example, she´ll loan him money to buy a stereo for his car when her own car needs maintenance.
The woman from my first example above was sacrificing her time for rest—evenings and weekends—so she can raise money for all the bills and expenses while her boyfriend lives like a prince.
My friend, the second woman, should have saved her money instead of giving them to the men she´s dating so she could quickly save up enough to go home. It wasn´t fun living isolated as a private family tutor in the Middle East.
The third woman? Well, pure selflessness but also gullible.
You see, it´s about putting your own needs + future first and before his.
It´s about not letting men take advantage of you.
Unless it´s between life and death and there´s no one with money who could save him, you have no reason to loan him money, no matter how sweet is the manner that asked for the loan.
Remember this important dating rule: If a man is very consumed with not being taken advantage of, this is a sign that he´s “on the take”.
If you´re the one always spending money on him, then compare it with how much he spends on you. When he´s the one who always does the taking and you the giving, there is a serious imbalance in your relationship.
If you want him to love you, learn how to capture his heart and love you forever.
It´s about time you seriously evaluate this relationship + your motive in giving him money.