For many women it seems that all the good men are already taken. This article explores the reasons why finding a good man is becoming harder than ever.
If you´re a woman in your early to middle thirties, you may find it hard to find good men. You know you got your act together and you´re ready to settle down — get married and have kids — but it seems that all the good men are already taken.
Is this problem unique to women of your age?
Apparently not. I get letters from women in their forties or fifties who were never married and want to get married saying that they too found it hard to find good men.
In fact, the other day I spoke with a neighbor about this topic. She´s in her middle fifties, divorced with three grown kids, and single. I asked her if she´s happy being alone. Of which she replied, “It´s hard. But it´s harder to find good men at this age.”
She pointed out that all the good men in their fifties are married. And those who are single are mostly douchebags who smoke and drink, and just want to get laid.
But she also admitted that she´s busy with work and often has no time and energy left to look for love.
I thought this is an interesting topic. Clearly, the growing problem that all the good men are already taken isn´t unique to women in their early to middle thirties. It extends to women of any age.
But are all the good men really already taken?
This article explores the six reasons why (it seems) that all the good men are already taken and what you can do about it.
1. Women are more attracted to men with good-looking partner.
A recent study has found that women tend to assess how desirable a guy is based on the physical attractiveness of their partner. If a guy is seen with a partner, he becomes more desirable than if he´s seen alone. But if a guy is seen with an attractive partner he is seen as “even more desirable” than if he´s with a less attractive partner.
Make him commit and surrender his heart to you, learn how to be “the woman men adore and never want to leave”.
The process of which a woman assesses a man´s desirability based on the presence of his romantic partner is called “female mate choice” copying. ~ Uller and Johansson (2003)
Although it sounds rather superficial and being inauthentic to ones self, this phenomenon actually has a practical side to it. Mate-choice copying allows women “to avoid the costs associated with assessing potential mates, including time, energy, the risk of predation, and other sacrifices”.
The downside to mate-choice copying however is developing the belief that since all the good men are already taken, you have no chance finding true love.
2. A “taken” guy is simply more desirable.
If the first reason why a “taken” guy is more desirable leans more towards the practical side of “female mate-choice copying”, this second reason leans more towards the cause and effect of being in a loving relationship.
Because loving and being loved brings out the best in us. When we love someone, we are more alive. Our feelings are more vivid, our sensitivity is heightened, and our personalities flourish. When we are loved by someone, we feel more confident and free, content and complete.~ Aaron Moss
Love has the power to bring out the best in a man (and in a woman). So if you find yourself attracted to someone who´s already in a relationship, that´s probably because you noticed the fruits of love on that person.
The key thing to take away from this is the fact that any single guy can turn into their best version once he falls in love to a woman and feels loved in return.
3. Your social circle narrows as you get older.
As you get older you´ll realize that many people in your social circle have already paired off. You´ll also notice that your social and personal responsibilities have increased and you´ll find yourself with little to no free time left to socialize.
Since most of the people in your circle are now either in a relationship or married, it´s only normal to feel like all the good men are already taken.
However, in reality there are still enough good men left than you realize. They are just not in your social circle. This is why you need to make finding love a priority if finding love is what you want.
You need to make an effort to meet new people and meet more single men.
4. You embrace a negative point of view.
More often than not the women who complain that all the good men are already taken are those who have developed a belief that they would never find love.
They´re looking for evidence — whether it´s from people who share their negative point of view and confirm their belief or from digging for others` disastrous dating stories — to support their belief.
The danger of embracing negative belief is your belief will manifest in your life. So if your black glasses are focused on how single men are not good men or how all good men are already taken, then it will be hard for love to find your way.
It takes a positive attitude towards dating to actually have a successful dating journey.
5. You simply wait for love to come.
You don´t set out to find it. And you don´t do the necessary inner work to prepare yourself for that love once it does come.
Many women leave finding love to chance. They are not proactive in finding love.
In relation to reason #3, since your opportunity to meet new people dwindles as you get older, it´s important to take proactive steps when it comes to your love life. What are the things that you can do to so you can meet more single and available men?
It´s also helpful to take this opportunity to do a self-inventory.
- What are the things that may have contributed to you still being single?
- What are the areas in your life that need to improve so that love can come in?
- How can you adjust your life and work schedule so that you can have more time to socialize?
- What inner work are necessary for you to do so that you will be ready to nurture love once it does come?
- How can you build a support network that will encourage you and help you achieve your dating goals?
Having a tribe that encourages and supports you in the highs and lows of finding love can make a difference to the success of your dating journey.
And that´s what my soon-to-come Glee Tribe will be built for, to provide women the resources they need in finding love while also giving them a private space to encourage and support each other in achieving their personal goals.
6. Sex has become cheap.
Many women may not like this last but important reason why all the good men are already taken. But as I prepare to built my tribe of women, I believe that it´s important for me to take a stand and be clear about it.
I see sex as a woman´s most powerful bargaining chip. As a high-value woman she takes being the gate-keeper to sex very seriously.
Give sex away for free to a man who hasn´t earned it and you will lower your chance of finding a good man.
It´s true that women nowadays got their act together more than ever — they are more educated than men, they have more edge in the labour market, they are more independent, and they enjoy sexual liberation. Who needs a man if you are self-sufficient on your won?
The irony is that the more that women celebrate sexual liberation the more that the mating market is dominated by men´s interest. See: Source
Why buy the cow if you can get free milk?
Men no longer need to provide anything in a relationship in order to get sex. He can easily find willing sex partners. And since more women are willing to offer cheap sex, men are no longer encouraged to get their act together.
- Why Do I Attract Unserious Men Who Just Want to Sleep With Me?
- Why Men Won´t Commit to You and What to Do About It
If a woman puts value in her physical intimacies and doesn´t give it away to a man who hasn´t earned it, he can easily move on and find women who are willing to give it for free.
It may seem heartbreaking if you´re someone who puts value to your physical intimacies, but it can actually be a good thing. It filters men who are just in for the treat and are not willing to invest in a committed relationship so that you can focus on those who are eager to earn your love and offer you commitment.
Want to unlock the hidden desires of a man that leaves him loving, devoted and committed to you? Read His Secret Obsession.
So if you find yourself asking why are all the good men already taken, take a pause and self-evaluate. Is any of the six reasons above true to you? What can you do to increase your odds of finding good men?