I always knew that I wanted to be in a relationship. I wanted to be in a loving, healthy intimate relationship. But it took me long to finally find the person whom I could build this kind of relationship with.
In retrospect, it could be because there were several personal issues that I had to work on first before I could be ready for a lasting intimate relationship.
I had to go through that path, that process, which made me ready for a close relationship. If I hadn´t, I don´t think the happy relationship that I have now would ever be successful.
So what makes you cut out for intimate relationships?
You are cut out for an intimate relationship if you are able to fulfill the needs of another adult in that intimate bond.
“An adult commitment is a thoroughly truthful enterprise of ongoing love.” ~ David Richo, How to be an Adult in Relationships
“It entails an unremitting willingness to keep agreements and handle obstacles by adressing, processing, and resolving conflicts.” This should be true to both the two adults in the intimate relationship. Sometimes, even if you are emotionally matured and able to handle and resolve conflicts, if the the other adult isn`t, then the relationship still won´t work.
As a matured adult, you´re no longer charmed by good looks or sweet talks. You look beyond them. What matters more to you is an enduring mutual commitment.
Your love is bonded by commitment, not by clinging. As you may know, you can feel attached to someone and imagine you love him, or someone can be attached to you and you imagine he loves you. How can you tell the difference? Being attached will immobilize you, while true love will help you progress and joyfully evolve.
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You are able to differentiate dependency from connection. “Insecure people may try to create a connection with you by fostering dependency through the offer of riches, humor, flattery, indebtedness, and the like.
On the other hand, you are NOT cut out for a relationship if you aren´t relationship-oriented, or if you simply have no interest in doing the work required for a relationship.
Are you more comfortable with light relationships or friendships? Do you truthfully recognize that intimacy is not for you? If you do, there´s nothing wrong with you.
You are perfectly normal. But you have to be careful not to succumb to family/society´s pressure to be in an intimate relationship, or even marriage, if that isn´t what you want, or if you aren´t ready for it yet.
Below are more traits of a person who isn´t cut out for intimate relationships.
Traits I. Some hard-wired traits that prevent you from succeeding in relationships.
1. Introversion so extreme that you cannot tolerate togetherness for a very long time.
2. Mental derangement
3. Active addiction
4. Misogyny or misanthropy
5. Criminal maliciousness or dangerousness
Traits II. Some traits that keep you from successing in relationships, but these are changeable. It will take time and commitment.
1. You have had no success in relationships, you have to have things just so.
2. You are nt able to be intimate. As he gets close, you run.
3. You have a high ego and it reigns supreme. Extreme superiority complex?
4. You cannot be wrong or corrected.
5. You cannot – or choose not to be – faithful.
6. You have a low desire for sex, or require such unusual forms of sexual satisfaction that normal sex does not interest you.
7. You become stuck. If you are in an unhappy relationship, you don´t do anything to change it nor to leave.
8. You require 75% of your waking hours to be spent alone.
If you think you aren´t cut out for an intimate relationship right now because of some traits you have – especially those belonged to Group II – you can still choose to work on them and change them. You may need professional help but with commitment, you can overcome them.
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In order to be successful in an intimate relationship, you need to know and respect your deepest needs, values and wishes, and then find a partner who agrees with them and willingly joins you with them.
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