I`m currently on my fifth week of Date Coaching Certification training. Although it´s not part of the training, I decided to familiarize myself of the work of today´s leading + emerging date and relationship coaches.
What I found from my research is that, just like the many dating and relationship books that I´ve read, where different authors give different advice on how to approach dating, date coaches also have different teachings.
One particular date coach, a self-proclaimed most effective date coach for single women, captured my attention. Her teaching clearly morphed from other preceding established date coaches but with a dangerous twist. She teaches women that “a high-value woman does not withhold sex and does not use it as a bargaining tool.”
A high-value woman, according to her, should be able to sleep with a man in first or second date and be cool with it. That means, if she feels like having sex with her date right away, she should do it for herself, enjoy the sex, but not get attached to the man and not expect a relationship afterwards.
And in order to not get attached, she should have several other men in rotation. Until a man claims her as a girlfriend, she should keep rotating. (Not necessary a bad advice, I agree with it.)
But what happens during those rotations? Will she also be having sex with her other dates early in dating and will keep showing that she´s cool with casual sex because she´s a high-value woman?
It´s easy to conclude that she´ll end up sleeping around!
So I joined her tribe of women to see how well is this approach working for them. I spent two weeks in her private Facebook group. I saw that while the women pretend that they´re cool with having casual sex (with their emotionally unavailable men that they hope to attract and keep), they´re not really that cool with it if they´re to be honest.
From their endless anxious and confused posts on that group, I gathered that regardless of what their guru has taught them, they get more attached to the man after sex.
Of course, there were also several women in the group who, like cult followers ever ready and quick to attack those who disagree, hold that having casual sex and being cool with it is the way to go and that it works for them.
Their guru explicitly said in the group that coaches who teach women to delay sex are “crappy coaches”.
After two weeks of getting attacked in that group for my different view on sex and my stance on NOT wasting your time on emotionally unavailable men (mind you, despite my different perspective I made sure I was being respectful to the group´s guru because that´s her turf), I left the group with this conclusion:
Be careful which dating advice to follow.
Whether it´s from the books you read (e.g. The Power of the Pussy which author advises you to keep a “fuck buddy” while you date your hopefully Mr. Right) or from date/relationship coaches such as the one I mentioned above, approach it with an open mind but also with a critical eye.
If you´re not comfortable with the advice you´re receiving, ask yourself “Why am I not comfortable?”
Is it because you´re not comfortable stepping out of your comfort box, or is it because the advice goes against your core values or spiritual beliefs?
Not every dating advice that you will encounter out there will work for you or is good for you. If you feel some resistance deep inside you, listen to it. Remember, the dating advice that go against your core values, principles and spiritual beliefs will only bring you more harm than good.