Are you a high-achieving chic who´s doing very well in her career but has a hard time figuring out the dating world?
Are you achieving goals after goals at work but your love life is zero?
Chances are you have dating blocks that you aren´t aware of which limits your success in dating.
Check out these five dating blocks that are common among professionally-successful women, see if you have them and find out their quick fix.
1. You limit your options to the men of your “type”.
Have you ever dismissed a potential suitor because he´s NOT your type?
In high school I had two admirers, fine young men, who did not have a chance to court me because they were not my type. I was only attracted to young men who were smarter than I am. How would I know if they were smarter? If they were achievers in class.
One day I had to hike a distant forest at the back of our school with three classmates to collect a lumber for a project; one of my companions was my admirer. I learned from that experience that a (young) man may not be book smart but he may be practically smart. I could get lost in that forest if not for my admirer who guided me throughout the trail back to school while carrying a long, heavy lumber on his shoulder.
And yet, many years later I seemed to forget that lesson. I almost dismissed my husband as a potential mate when I first met him because of language gap. He could only speak German at the time and just a little bit of English. Being not fluent in English translated to me as being “not smart enough”. Thankfully he convinced me that he would learn English, and that he would learn fast. So I gave him a chance.
Thinking about it I shiver with the idea that I could have missed out on a wonderful man had I held on only to “my type”.
The Fix: Don´t limit yourself within your “type” box. If you meet a man whom you think isn´t your type, see if he has your top three non-negotiable requirements. If he has your three non-negotiables, then give that man a chance. Otherwise you´ll never know.
2. You scale down potential suitors according to their income.
The more successful you are in your career the more you tend to require yourself to date only men with higher income. This limits the number of men that you can date. Compare yourself to successful men, most likely the size of a woman´s paycheck isn´t a requirement in whether or not they want to date her.
This means that financially successful men have a bigger pool of options while you have a tiny pool. Needless to say, this works to your disadvantage because the competition in your tiny pool is very tight.
The Fix: A man may not be earning as much as or more than you but he for sure have many other qualities that he can bring into the relationship. Remember that money isn´t everything in having a successful relationship. Reconsider. Even if a man´s paycheck is smaller than yours, if he´s financially responsible, give him a chance
3. You have self-defeating beliefs even if your career is on the fly.
Successful women are confident in their field, but they aren´t always confident with their self-worth, or with their desirability. I know I was.
I could go head to head with a man at work, but when it comes to flirting with a man, or dealing with him intimately, I wasn´t confident of myself.
The Fix: Improve your self-image, learn to be comfortable being a woman, and believe that you are a desirable, high-quality woman. Learn to let go of negative thoughts.
4. You may think that brain is enough to attract a man.
Sure, brain and personality are huge when it comes to getting a man, but the reality is, he needs to be attracted to your looks first before he will see your brain and personality.
I know a young executive who said that she doesn´t want to be seen for her looks but for her intelligence. No wonder that at twenty-seven, she´s still single and never had a boyfriend.
A man will take you to first date because of your looks, and will take you to second and more dates because of your brain and personality. But without the looks, how can you go that far?
The Fix: Make the most of what you have. Enhance your assets, embrace your liabilities, and fix whatever it is that bothers you.
5. The belief that you don´t need a man because you can do everything yourself.
If you show a man that you don´t need him, it´s a surefire way to lose him. Men want to feel needed. They want to feel that they are adding value to your life. Whether it´s to keep you warm when you´re cold by offering his jacket, or carrying your heavy luggage, he feels good when you are receptive of his help/care.
While in university, we went to visit a village of native people in a jungle for an anthropological research. It was dangerous because of wild animals + we were foreigners to the uncivilized group; we weren´t sure if we could trust them. I went to a nearby underground river to fetch some water all by myself. Suddenly my partner appeared from nowhere and scolded me for not asking his help. The trail was difficult, and carrying the water upwards back to the camp was definitely tough, but during that time I have not yet learned to be comfortable in asking for and receiving help from men.
We were in a male-female buddy-buddy system for safety reasons and yet I acted as if I didn´t need my buddy. That research experience taught me how to be comfortable being vulnerable around a man, although I still had a long way to go.
How do you differentiate needing a man (in a healthy way) without being needy to a man?
The first is built on your confidence in being feminine while the second is built on insecurities and lack of self-worth.
The Fix: Realize that while it´s empowering to be able to do everything yourself without a man, it´s more attractive to let a man do it for you even if you know that you are capable of doing it. Also, it´s important to be honest with yourself; there are certainly things that only a strong, muscled man can do. Be vulnerable, ask him to do it for you in a sexy, flirty way and then commend him for being your hero. Now that is attractive!
What do you think? Are there other dating blocks for high-achieving women that you´ll want to add to the list above?