Finding a man who will commit to you is already difficult, but why is it more difficult for single moms? Can you still find a man who will die for you after having kids?
Two of our readers sent me their questions which echo the same plight for all single moms out there who are ready to go back to dating.
Question 1: My problem is finding men who actually want a serious relationship and will spend time with me and my kid’s. I’m not giving my goodies to men who don’t put a ring on my finger and wouldn´t wait until we are married. How can I get a man who will give me commitment? ~ Country Gal
Question 2: Why is it hard to find love after having kids? My second daughter is now 4, yet I have not met someone who would die for me. ~ She
The hard reality is there are many single women out there with no kids who couldn´t find a man who will die for them. I used to be one of them. Up until I was twenty-four, I thought I´d never find love. And yet, I was no single mom.
But the challenge doubles once you have kids and you´re looking for love. There are many factors that contribute to this – you´re overwhelmed with doing everything all by yourself and hardly with support, and you put everyone’s needs first and yours last. You probably even have no time to spend in the dating arena because your hands are full in meeting the deadlines at work, finding a nanny, and raising your kids. It´s all juggling, and juggling, and juggling.
Do you need the effective formula to make a man feel that special desire for you? Make Him Desire You.
So, as a single mom, will you still be able to find a man who will commit to you and die for you in spite of you having kids?
The answer is a sounding “Yes!” But first, you need to do a self-check.
Are you really ready? Are you ready to fall in love, to be loved and cherished and not you looking for someone who will fix you?
Are you healed from the drama of the past? Looking for love while still carrying the baggage from your broken heart will only blow any chance of you finding the man who will commit to you.
Have you fallen in love with yourself? This is crucial whether you are a single mom or not, that you´re in love with yourself, because no man will cherish you if you don´t love yourself. But if you´re a single mom, there is much brokenness that needs healing and fixing before you can totally love yourself again.
Most often, your situation will cause you low self-esteem, even drive you to depression, and you feel like a second-hand good not worth of a full price. It takes a process to alter this negative thought about yourself, to see you as brand new and worth of all the good and best things in life.
Have you decided what you want? What are the things you want to achieve and accomplish in life? It´s not only about finding a man, but most importantly about the improvement of your well-being. Do you want to get promoted at work? Do you want to have a budding and successful business? Do you want to lose weight, be fit and healthy?
Identify the things you need to do, maybe go back to school or manage your time better to include exercise in your schedule, to achieve the things you want.
Identify the lessons you learned from your failed relationships. What were the things you didn´t get from those relationships that you´ll want to have/experience on a committed relationship? Knowing what you want and deserve will help you pinpoint the type of men that won´t fit to your life and wants.
Having standards is important. Country Gal´s standard in dating is “no sex” before marriage. That´s good. Just because you´re a single mom doesn´t mean you´re required to sleep with every man you date. Unfortunately, single moms are seen as easy subjects for throwback in bed. Men who back out just because you want to wait for sex are not serious anyway, so let them go.
Relearn the art of dating. When was the last time you dated? Maybe your dating skills have become rusty and it needs polishing. Read books on dating. Here are some of my recommendations:
- The Successful Single Mom Finds Love: The Single Mom’s Guide to Finding New Love
- The Divorced Mom’s Guide to Dating: How to be loved, adored and cherished
Are you happy? This is the most important question in your self-check list.
Are you happy with where you are now? If you can´t tell whether you are or you are not happy with your life right now, then you should seriously invest your time and energy in making yourself happy.
You can´t find happiness in relationships or marriage, you can´t find happiness in a man who will die for you, you can only find it in yourself. Your relationship or marriage won´t be happy unless you found happiness within you.
Not being happy about your life and not falling in love with yourself will only result to neediness. And you know how neediness can blow up your chance of finding love.
Lastly, keep the faith. You need to believe that love will come at the right time. If you have that faith, it will exude wherever you go. And because you believe in love, you will also effortlessly attract love.
Don´t underestimate the power of prayer. Ask God to guide you in finding love again and to direct your path into meeting the man who will commit to you and will accept and love your kids like his own.