We are lucky to live in an era when choosing a life partner is largely made through our own free will. Although in some cultures parents and relatives still have the power to decide for their children, most young people nowadays are able to look for an ideal partner through their own exploration and adventure.
One identifier that leads to finding your soul mate is relationship compatibility.
Compatibility is your ability to live harmoniously together and adjust with each other easily. But achieving relationship compatibility with a partner is more than just consulting a psychic and having her read your palms and consult the stars.
This is more about knowing yourself in a really deep level and knowing the kind and type of person that would fit well with your entire package.
If you need help to deepen your understanding of yourself, your partner and your relationship, you should read Paul and Barbara Barron-Tieger´s Just Your Type: Create the Relationship You’ve Always Wanted Using the Secrets of Personality Type.
Knowing your level of compatibility with a person is one of the important steps in choosing a companion for successful marriage. Here are five identifiers of relationship compatibility.
When I was in my early twenties I spent most of my time taking personality tests. I had this big urge to know myself very well and it really paid off — both in my career and my personal life.
Understanding the type of personality you have is crucial not only for finding a happy intimate relationship but also in relating with people and doing well at work.
Jung Typology Test identifies my personality type as INFJ (Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging). In layman´s terms I´m a creative person who is more introvert than extrovert. Oftentimes though, I´m being mistakened as an extrovert because I engage well in a crowd and I appear so outgoing due to my genuine interest in people.
But engaging with a crowd depletes me and afterwards there´s nothing I´d love more to do than retreating to my safety haven to recharge. Yes, I´m a giver by nature and I find satisfaction in assuming responsibilities but I need to regularly fill my cup.
Did you know that there´s a formula to make a man feel that special desire for you? Make Him Desire You.
What has this got to do with finding my soul mate? Well, clearly I can´t live harmoniously with someone who´s over 80% extrovert, who wants to go out and interact with people all the time. I can´t imagine the anxiety I´d have to endure if our home is always open to people and visitors. I can´t fathom the level of stress I´d have to take if I was married to someone who´s always on the go.
It´s also important to find a partner whom you share similar interests. It includes the type of music you like to listen, your diet, your hobbies, and the frequency of travel you´re willing to do each year, and so on.
If you think that food is the least you´ll have to worry about, think again. Remember that one of the main reasons Gwyneth Paltrow and husband Chris Martin consciously uncoupled was Gwyneth´s strict diet? It was said that Chris just couldn´t stand it anymore. For sure there were other more serious issues, but we can´t rule out that food was one of them.
My husband and I had to take serious compromises early on in our marriage because I don´t eat pork and seafood, he loves those foods. But we discussed it ahead of time, even before he proposed. I laid down the terms — no pork and seafoods at home, something I could not compromise — and he accepted. In fact, he respects me so much that when we dine out, or anywhere we are, he wouldn´t eat those foods if I`m around. It´s just his form of respect. (How I love my man!)
My husband loves to talk about politics while I prefer telling and analyzing stories. One of our biggest arguments was caused by this direct opposite of interests. Thankfully, we were able to find other topics that we both enjoy discussing about.
There are also other interests that both my husband I share. Examples are our love for style (we inspire each other) and our love for biking together.
You´re probably madly in love with your boyfriend but if you still want to explore the world and he wants to start building a family, your plans are clearly not aligned with each other. This is the talk I had with my brother´s girlfriend last month.
They just got back together after a two-year break up and they´re starting to discuss about their future plans together. My brother´s girlfriend mentioned that she still wants to work abroad for two years and see places before tying the knot. But to my brother, working abroad is never an option. If she decides to go abroad, he won´t stop her. But for him, they´re over. Eventually, the girlfriend gave up her plan to work abroad.
Other plans that need to be discussed before marriage are children and the elderly. Do both of you want to have children? How are you going to take care of your parents if they grow old?
Values are directly influenced by the type of our upbringing. They´re also influenced by our culture. They´re also influenced by our spiritual beliefs. Is it important for you to choose a partner who doesn´t smoke or drink? Are tattoos, piercings and earrings fine with you?
Make him commit and surrender his heart to you, learn how to be “the woman men adore and never want to leave”.
Are you looking for a man who respects his parents and who loves pets?
Do you share the same spiritual beliefs? If not, are you open for interfaith relationships? How much difference in your beliefs can each of you tolerate and compromise? How will it affect your future children´s upbringing?
My mother has a high-reactive temperament while my father is cool and slow to anger, at least he used to be. Theirs was a good combination because while my mom was easily irritated, my dad was quick to let it go.
But decades of being together my father also adopted my mom´s temper. The same is true to the men who married my mother´s sisters (who share the same temperament). They too became high-tempered.
Temperament is a main product of inheritance which is not easily molded. While still dating, observe your boyfriend´s temperament as well as of his family´s, if possible. Take this into consideration once marriage talk is on the table.
Relationship compatibility does not necessary predict a successful marriage because there are still so much work to be done. You both need to exert effort to make your marriage work. But these five important factors are important in identifying early, while still dating, whether or not you have a chance for the long haul.
photo credit: Emery Co Photo