Are you aware of the top five false beliefs that may have been stopping you from finding love?
I used to hold these false beliefs as if they were my reality. And for a long time, they were indeed my reality. Mind you, I was always single up until I was twenty-five years old.
It seemed like no man was ever interested in me.
But you know what? When I finally overcame those false beliefs, I met my True Love. And recently, we celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary. We´re still as attracted to each other and as in love as ever.
Oh, how time flies. Looking back to when I was still occupied with these false beliefs, I couldn´t ever imagine that finding my true love would be this good.
So what are those top five false beliefs that many single women hold about love?
You may be guilty of one or all of these false beliefs, or maybe you´re not. But if you are, how do you fix it?
1. False Beliefs About Love: That there aren´t enough quality and available single men.
So you may tell yourself what´s the point of spending all this time and energy in finding love if there aren´t enough quality single men in my area? You operate with a scarcity mindset.
The reality is, there are enough quality and available single men everywhere. There are opportunities to find love anywhere and everywhere. But you have to pay attention to those opportunities.
When my baby was eight days old, my husband and I took him for a stroll at the park.
I remember saying to my husband, “Why are there suddenly so many babies and strollers everywhere? I didn´´t see them before!“
My husband replied, “Yeah, I see them everywhere too. Maybe because now we´re paying attention to them?“
He was right, if you start paying attention to something, you will start seeing more of it. So if you start to pay attention to opportunities to find love, you will see more of those opportunities too.
It´s important to know your personality type in relationships so you will have an idea what type of guy suits you best. Take the What Type of Girlfriend Are You Quiz.
2. If you send signal to men that you´re attracted to them, they will see you as “not hot enough“ and they will reject you.
This false belief is most probably stems from your poor self-image. You worry that if you initiate contact with the guy you like, or if you respond to a guy who seems interested on you, that he will see that you´re actually not that attractive and thus, reject you. This negative self-belief is just in your mind.
I used to believe this way too. So I never, ever initiated flirting with men. Well, not until I decided that enough of this self-defeating belief and started working on my self-esteem and self-image.
And guess what? I flirted with my husband first. I initiated the first contact. And he noticed me because I did the first move.
The reality is that „beauty“ and „attractiveness“ are subjective. Some men didn´t find me beautiful or attractive, but I am my husband´s exact definition of beautiful. My skin color, my legs, my derriere, he loves them. He found me beautiful even if at the time, I still had my open-bite. I only had my crooked teeth fixed five years after our wedding.
I fixed my open-bite for me, not for husband. Because despite my crooked teeth, he still found me beautiful.
Some men will check the size of your breasts, while others will check your derriere or your legs. Physical attraction is relative to the beholder. One man´s ugly is another man´s beauty.
But overall, men like it if you´re confident of yourself. They find it attractive if you´re happy and open.
3. You´re a Miss “I will never find love.“
You may have been in the dating world for a while and is getting discouraged or you may have been engaged in the dating world in all the wrong ways. Therefore, you want to give up on finding love.
If this is true to you, the first step to overcoming this is to get clear of who you are looking for. It´s also important to identify the things that might be standing in the way of finding a meaningful relationship with the right man.
Maybe there are gray men in your life? Men who may occupying the role of a boyfriend but who aren´t really your boyfriend.
Maybe it´s the self-sabotage. Or the lack of ability to flirt with men and build connection.
If this is the case, giving up on finding love isn´t the solution. Overcoming your false beliefs about finding love is.
4. False Beliefs About Finding Love: That online dating is the only way to find love.
I spent most of my single years finding love online. I spent most of my free time on online dating sites. And I spent a good fortune for online dating and making it work.
But guess what? The man I was destined to marry to was never on any online dating sites. In fact, it was only by chance that I met him through a social media site. Totally out of the blue, and without any expectations.
When I think about it, it still blows my mind. We´ve just celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary.
If only I knew back then what I know now, I wouldn´t spend so much time finding love online. I would balance it with finding love offline, and then meeting more people from other venues, not necessarily for the purpose of finding love, both online and offline.
But online dating was easy. So it seemed.
It was easier to shoot a stranger an email than smiling to a man across the street. The barrier to entry for online dating was low. Compared that to having to put on the guts and confidence to actually flirt with a man in person, instead of flirting with a man behind the screen.
But online dating isn´t the only way, nor the best way to find love. If you aren´t careful, it can actually burn you out.
So make sure to ration the time you spend online dating, and balance it out with meeting men offline.
5. That you need to be constantly dating to be successful in finding love.
I got certified as a dating coach more than two years ago and one of the strategies than I came across from my study when it comes to dating is „dating men in rotation“.
This means that you need to be constantly going out on a date and having several men in rotation to date. Whoever climbs up to the top, wins. Then you can drop the other men and get exclusive with the best guy. Although this strategy proves to be effective to many women, the reality is … it´s exhausting.
For me, the rotation method wouldn´t work. I just know it wouldn´t.
I wouldn´t have the energy or the resources to be dating constantly. Yet despite not dating and meeting men constantly, I was still able to find my Mr. Right within the timeframe that I had set for myself.
If deep down you know that dating in rotation isn´t your cup of tea, that´s fine. Because to some us, manifesting and attracting the right person naturally, rather than exhausting ourselves from non-stop dating, is the best way to go.
From a Man´s perspective: Stuck in Your Dating Life
So these are the top five false beliefs that may stop you from finding love. Overcoming them can surely pave the way to meeting your Mr. Right.