Has your man pulled away due to your needy traits? Although you feel that great need to get him back, this is the time to focus on overcoming your neediness in a relationship.
For years my most popular blog post here on Glee Dating is the 51 Traits of Needy Women. This only shows that many women struggle with neediness in dating and in relationships.
Today let´s answer a reader´s question regarding the best course of action to take after she´s displayed neediness in her relationship.
Once you’ve displayed needy traits and pushed the guy away, is it too late to fix and bring the person back and for you to re-establish a stronger more confident “you” within the relationship? ~ Lady T
This is an interesting question with several layers of issues implied in it – is it too late to fix the relationship? Too late to get him back? Or too late to establish „confidence“ within the relationship?
1. Fixing your neediness instead of fixing the relationship.
Whether or not it´s too late to fix the relationship is hard for me to tell, however, it´s certainly not too late for you to fix your neediness issues.
You will have to focus first on working on your underlying insecurities and deep-seated wounds, which are the real issues beneath your needy traits.
One way to do that is to discover your personality type in the Enneagram. Once you´ve discovered your type you will have a better understanding of where your neediness comes from. Self-discovery is the first step to overcoming neediness.
2. Getting him back without chasing him.
Can you still pull him back after he pulled away?
You certainly can, however, only as an after-effect of your inner work. Once he pulled away, make no contact. Do #1 – fix your neediness – instead of obssessing about getting him back.
By ignoring him and making yourself unavailable to him, you are taking your power back.
And we know that anything unavailable becomes more desirable, right? He will start to see you as higher in value once you´ve become inaccessible. As you work to better yourself and to build your self-esteem, he will naturally notice the change.
However, it´s important to remember that you must do your inner work not for the sole purpose of getting him back, but in order to solidify your worth so that you will attract better, healthy men.
Although you may not end up getting him back, if you´ve overcome your needy traits and tendencies to be desperate for love, you will soon find love even if that´s with someone else. I say that with absolute certainty.
Do the work for you, not for him.
3. Re-establishing a stronger more confident “you“ within a relationship.
Neediness is the reason why many women act like doormats, control freaks, clingy, jealous or naggers in a relationship. Whatever is the insecurity behind a woman´s neediness, it all boils down to the same need – the need to be loved.
If you don´t feel loved when you´re not in a romantic relationship, then that means that you are highly likely to be needy in a relationship.
So you need to explore the question – how can I feel loved?
„What are the situations or experiences from the past that made me feel unworthy of love? How can I go back and heal the wounds?“
If you remove the man from the equation, who else will love you? Do you love yourself?
Establishing your confidence within a relationship requires you to have a quiet, authentic self-confidence, which means that whether or not you´re in a relationship, you are confident of your worth. You don´t establish your confidence once you´re in a relationship, but rather, before you enter a relationship.
That´s why this process requires self-discovery, revisiting the past, healing old wounds and doing a good dose of inner work. This will help you face the future feeling that love is abundant rather than love is scarce.