Did you know that there is nothing as deadly a mistake in dating than being a needy girlfriend? It´s irrevocable.
Whether you´re still in a getting-to-know-each-other phase or already in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, the moment you show your needy colors, men are quick to run away.
Men hate needy women.
Let us hear the story of one of our sisters here and her struggle in overcoming neediness.
I’ve got your email with two e-books and one quiz! Thank you.
My question about love and relationship is: how can I learn to control my own feelings and emotions? I always make the same mistake and can’t control it because every time the emotions take over me and I even don’t realize it until it is all over … yet again :(
At the beginning the guys are crazy about me but then soon I am crazy about them and I want more, more and more…. and I lose control over myself at that point. Then they back off. And then I am lost!
I write to them, email them, and ask why they pull away. I am confused. I can’t understand why. I suffer. I love bla bla! But it´s always the same story. The end of the story actually.
They always come back sooner or later but never in a romantic way like at the beginning.
Maybe I just don’t have enough knowledge about the game between woman and man! I always thought it is “love” and when you love it is enough. But it seems that it is NOT. It seems that for men my feelings are not so important.
I usually give what I want myself to get. But pouring “love” over to men doesn’t work. Oh my…it is really frustrating because it has become a repetitive pattern. I have enough, it breaks my heart. And I don’t know how to change it. What should I do?
Thank you, Glee.
Who hasn´t been there? I have so much respect for women who have never ever been needy at some point in their lives.
I´ve been there. I used to be needy. But it wasn´t until I overcame that neediness that men worked so hard to win my heart.
Make him commit and surrender his heart to you, learn how to be “the woman men adore and never want to leave”.
So don´t worry, Aga, you can still change. Controlling your emotions and overcoming your neediness is very much possible. Here´s how.
1. Familiarize yourself with the traits of needy women.
The reason why you never realized your mistakes until it´s all over is because you´re not aware of the traits of a needy woman and thus, you´re not aware that you are doing them. And that´s why you keep doing them over and over again.
I know this is true to many women, so I created the list of 51 Traits of Needy Women That Turn Men Off as their guide to self-evaluation.
Do yourself a favor, go through the list and see which ones are true to you.
2. Understand what makes you needy.
In a nutshell, a woman is needy if she requires MORE from a man.
That includes more time, more dates, more calls + emails + texts, more flowers, more romance, more love.
But a woman will never require more from a man unless she has already given more to him. That´s actually the reason why she wants more from him, because she´s been giving more already and she wants him to reciprocate it.
But asking (read: requiring) a man to give more will kill the game.
So what are you to do?
Never give more. Give only to him as much as he is giving you. Never go overboard.
One of our sisters here has asked, “When do I start making an effort?” It´s simple. You exert effort once he earns it. But the effort you will exert should never be more than he´s exerting.
There is a plethora of psychology involve in a person´s neediness. It often goes back to his /her childhood or to his/her past. People who didn´t feel loved by their parents or elders growing up, those who were abandoned or taken for granted often tend to have that hole in their being which they try to fill from their relationships—whether it´s from their friends or romantic partner.
For women, it is often those who had no strong relationship with their father, or who grew up with no father figures, who are most vulnerable in displaying neediness in their relationships. They want their father´s love, which they didn´t get, so they want more love from their suitor or partner.
If any of these is true to you, you may need the help of a specialist to address and heal past or childhood wounds.
3. Learn NOT to be “too nice”.
A book I highly recommend is Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov. It details 100 Attraction Principles that many women are guilty of violating.
You are “too nice” if you do everything to please him. You are “too nice” if you do all the giving.
Oh, what an irony! Women are naturally givers, that´s why they give everything they got usually too early in relationships.
But being too nice and giving too much often backfire, because these will make you needy.
And when you give everything too early, it shows your poor self-respect. When you´re giving too much, it tells men that you put little value on yourself and dignity.
Will you put more value on something you easily earned? No. You will put more value on something you worked hard to earn.
4. Get a life.
The problem with a needy woman is, the moment there´s a man in the picture, her entire world revolves around him.
She stops seeing her friends. She cancels appointments to give way to him. She stops doing her routine to spend time with him. She stops focusing at work or in school to keep thinking about him, to check her emails or phone every minute, and to return his call within 20 seconds.
You see? Without noticing it, you are shedding off some important parts of you that make you happy and whole. Eventually you will feel the missing piece and that´s when you start requiring him for more.
The moment a man sees that you don´t have a life, he will pull back. Men are attracted to happy women who have a life of their own.
So the next time an eager man is around, enjoy his company, but don´t stop enjoying your life.
5. Be confident.
Neediness is also a reflection of low self-confidence.
“Here´s a man who´s into me. I have to do EVERYTHING to keep him interested or I will never have another man!”
How silly does that sound? And yet too often, needy women act like there are no more men. It´s got to be him or no one!
The fact that he noticed you, and that he shows interest on you, already speak volume of your attraction power. But why do you surrender that power by being too all over him?
Remember that you are a beautiful creation of God. You are attractive. You have everything to make a man lucky having you.
Sometimes it takes the right set of eyes to see how beautiful you are. So never put yourself down by being needy.
Never underestimate the power of prayer. It´s my secret weapon throughout my dating journey and it´s what led me to the man of my dreams.
The next time you feel like neediness creeps in and emotions are overwhelming, kneel in prayer.
Ask God to strengthen you, to help you control your feelings, to fill your heart with happiness so that you won´t fall in the trap of seeking happiness from men or from relationships, and to make you whole so that when you enter the right relationship, you are not bringing baggage with you.
Read the Part II – How to Control Your Emotions.
A needy woman is men´s biggest turn off. But the moment she overcomes her neediness, she turns from a doormat to a dream girl.