While you´re still single, you´re vulnerable to the idea that you´ll be happy once you meet your soul mate and get married. This thought is wrong.
Because happiness is not a destination, it´s a journey.
If you keep on delaying your happiness until you get married, you are missing on the happiness that the “now” can give.
If only I knew that I would be missing many of the great things of being single, I would have enjoyed them with all my heart while I still had them instead of focusing on the future, and which future always evolving around the desire to be in a relationship, get married and settle down.
There are many reasons to enjoy life and be happy while single. For me, that included having a high-paying teaching job (which I had to give up to join my husband in Germany), having a close circle of girlfriends whom I could hang out with whenever we´re free (until now, I still haven´t found my new set of girlfriends), having the freedom to forego cooking altogether (if you´re not into cooking like I am) and ironing of piles of laundry, and the perks of being able to do things without having to consult someone.
You see, there are many reasons to enjoy the now, if only we learn to live for now. But more often than not, we focus on what we don´t have.
If you want to learn how to relish a single life, read Barbara Feldon´s, Living Alone and Loving It.
So, from a happily married gal who is missing many of the great things of her single life, here are nine things you can do to be happy alone and while you´re waiting for “the one”.
1. Practice Gratitude
Did you know that there are many married women with kids who would give up anything just to get a good long sleep? Don´t get sold out to that stunning dad-mom-child selfie you see on your Facebook feeds, there are more stories behind it untold. Don´t covet. The next time you go to bed be thankful that you can enjoy a long, uninterrupted sleep.
What other good things can you be thankful for in your life right now? Focus on those things.
Practicing gratitude will help you appreciate life like it is, and will make you happier.
2. Stop Your Negative Thoughts
One of the reasons why many women hate being alone is that the fact of being alone cause their negative thoughts. Once their girlfriends aren´t around and they put down the curtains, their negative thoughts start to party — you must be unattractive because you can´t get a man, you must be unlovable because you´re still not in that perfect relationship, you must be ugly because nobody wants you, you´re a failure because you´re still not married, and so on.
Oh, my! How are you going to battle against such terrible thoughts that are too effective in putting you down?
But thoughts are just that … thoughts. Once you realize that you are not your thoughts, it´s easier to step back, remove yourself from the thought and manage it properly.
I covered this in detail in my article on how to stop negative thoughts about yourself.
Once you stop believing those negative thoughts, you will be happier alone. In fact, you will appreciate more being with yourself.
3. Take Care of Yourself
Some women have it wrong. They make the most of themselves, they take care of their looks and grooming, only if they have a crush or if they´re dating someone. But if they´re not seeing anyone, they let their self go.
Interestingly, once they get married, they also tend to let their self go.
It shouldn´t matter whether you´re alone, in a relationship or married (and with kids), you should always take care of yourself. No one will take care of you but you. The more you invest in your health, personal style and grooming, and overall well-being, the happier you will be. And if you´re happy, people around you will also be happy.
Make him commit and surrender his heart to you, learn how to be “the woman men adore and never want to leave”.
If you´re single, fit and happy, men are going to be attracted to you. If you´re in a relationship, fit and happy, all the more that your partner will fall in love with you.
So don´t forget to take care of yourself.
4. Cultivate Friendship with Other Single Women
If your girlfriend suddenly gets a boyfriend, or worse, gets married, it will affect your relationship. She will start missing on your girls` night outs or weekend get-togethers. Although it will initially make you upset, remember that she´s moving to a direction that you are not yet ready to go.
So take advantage of this time to make new friendships with other single ladies.
Why do I recommend cultivating friendship with other single ladies if you´re single? Because it´s just easier that way. You can dress up, go out together and make the most of the cheer-leader effect. Who knows? You may be the next to get a boyfriend.
But on the more serious side, we women are very social. We need that close circle of friends for our happiness — married or not married.
5. Develop a Hobby
Before I met my husband, I was on a big heartbreak which made me pivot from focusing on finding a guy to finding a hobby. And that was one of the great decisions I ever made.
The hobby? Blogging.
I discovered Blogger.com. I put up a personal blog where I shared my thoughts and my personal style. I wrote on my blog late at night after my day job and after-school tutorials. I also spent my weekends writing on the blog.
I was so addicted to blogging that I didn´t care if I was in a relationship or not. I was happy in my newly discovered world, finding a man became the least of my concerns.
The funny thing was, because I was happy and occupied with my new hobby, I had no room for neediness, which made me more attractive to men. The next man I met saw me as a happy and complete person, and he was determined not to let go of me.
Finding a man was just the bonus; the main thing was I was happy with my life.
6. Get a Pet
Up until I was twenty-five, I was single my whole life. What helped me stay happy in spite of me not being in a relationship were my pets. I usually had pets — from dogs to cats and bunnies — not all together at once, but one or two pets at a time.
Pets are known to help their owners relax, provide companionship, and in their own ways, give unconditional love.
When I moved to Germany upon marriage, I became depressed. My husband got me a cat and it helped heal my depression.
7. Build a Close Relationship with God
If you have a spouse, you have someone to share your burdens. If you´re single, there are only a handful of things you can share even to your closest pals. Thankfully, you have God.
Having a close relationship with God is a must to everyone, He is our loving Father in Heaven who watches over us, who walks with us when we´re to cross stormy seas and turbulent rivers, and who wipes our tears at night when no one sees.
If you´re single, you will never feel alone if you have God.
8. Maintain a Close Relationship with Your Family
One of the things that happy people have is a close relationship with their family, especially their immediate family. Don´t cut your connections with your parents and siblings. Find time to visit them, and connect with them.
Family is great in giving you sense of belongingness, and for most parts, they stick like brothers and sisters do.
9. Keep Your Heart Open for Love
As you learn how to be happy alone, don´t forget to open your heart to love. Sometimes, the less you look for it, the more it finds you. You´re not aware that you may be touching shoulders with your soul mate. Keep smiling, and keep opening your heart to possibilities.
But, if you feel that you´re ready for a committed relationship and love is the only thing that´s missing in your life right now, then give yourself permission to make finding love a priority.
Never kiss dating goodbye because …
Once true love finds you, you will never regret living happily alone, and you can continue living happily with a partner.