Do you feel like you keep screwing up your relationships because of your inability to control your emotions?
Earlier this week I tackled the first part of Aga´s question regarding her inability to control her emotions, which always led her to being a needy girlfriend.
But this time, let´s focus on the bottom line of her question:
My question about love and relationship is: how can I learn to control my own feelings and emotions? I always make the same mistake and can’t control it because every time the emotions take over me and I even don’t realize it until it is all over … yet again :(
At the beginning the guys are crazy about me but then soon I am crazy about them and I want more, more and more…. and I lose control over myself at that point. Then they back off. And then I am lost!
If there´s one beaten path that most women tend to choose, it´s allowing their emotions to take over and take control of them.
Men are known to get together over a few rounds of golf and discuss the mental health of their recent female acquaintance. The main theme of their analysis is—Is she in control or are her emotions controlling her?
Learning to control your emotions is crucial for your success in love and dating.
But … I hear you … it´s not easy to control your emotions. I so know how it feels.
Yet it can be done. Here are four ways to avoid being tagged as “irrational” or “psychotic” by men.
1. Understand that the majority of men are only interested for the “treat”.
This is the hard truth.
He will take you out to dinner, buy you chocolates and send you flowers, and he will say all the nice things you want to hear. He will even promise the moon. But all for the sake of getting the desired result—throwdown in the bedroom.
Men do the trick to get the treat.
They´re like a well-trained seal in the zoo. A seal will balance a ball on his face amidst the cheering of the crowd. But the seal is not performing to please the crowd, but to get the reward, a treat!
If you are quick to give everything, without keeping the best reward, you will lose.
Because here´s the second hard truth.
Men eventually will fall in love, but that happens later.
If he already got everything he wanted early and with less work, it removes the essence of pursuing, which is an integral part in him falling in love to you.
Let that sink in. Men take time to fall in love.
2. Keep your emotions in check.
This is not what men are used to seeing.
They´re used to seeing women who are easily taken over by their emotions.
They´re used to seeing women who are quick to fall in love before they see the man. (Hint: What does it mean, “… before they see the man”?)
For men, showing too much emotion is akin to showing weakness.
They respect women who are strong. So if you´re showing too much emotions early, you will come off as weak.
Let him discover your weakness and vulnerability later, when he´s already in love with you. But beware, because even an in loved man will run away from neediness and desperation.
So keep a watch on how much emotion you show.
3. Don´t approach the game verbally.
Many women are guilty of this. They tell a man what they like, what they don´t like, what will make them happy and what will make them upset.
Based from our understanding in #1, because most men are into the reward, they will do what you want them to do, and they will say what you want to hear until you´ve surrendered the reward.
Did you know that there´s a formula to make a man feel that special desire for you? Make Him Desire You.
Some men will use it to manipulate you. Some will use it to ask for forgiveness for some wrongs they did.
Don´t communicate your strategy. Don´t announce what you want.
4. Stop thinking about him.
This tip is especially useful if you are figuring out why men pull away in early stages of dating. If you play your cards right, he may come back. So do it right starting in your mind.
Your heart is where your thoughts are.
The more you think about him, the more your emotions become overwhelming. In order to control your emotions, you need to control your thoughts.
Whenever you think about him, STOP.
Consciously replace the thought of him with a positive thought or feel-good activity. Read a book. See a favorite movie, or better yet, a comedy show.
Be creative. Do your hobby.
You need to fight your downward spiral of negativity by forcing yourself to focus on positive thoughts and activities. If you do this ten times a day, you will break the habit of obsessing about him.
Learning to control your emotions doesn´t mean you will be untrue to yourself or the people around you. But this is about learning to be in control instead of letting your emotions control you.
This is about tapping the strong woman in you, maintaining your standards, commanding respect from men, and allowing a man to fall in love with you.
“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.” ~ Nina Potts-Jefferies