Do you find it hard to find a man? It shouldn´t be. With these eight tips you will learn how to meet more men even if you´re a busy gal.
Many women are wondering how to find a man, where to find them, and how to know if they´re going to make a perfect life partner. Believe it or not, there are many quality men who are also wondering the same.
Believe it or not, just as you´re looking for your Mr. Right, he´s also looking for you.
But why Mr. Right hasn´t found you yet? Maybe the right question is, “What are you doing to be found?“
My Husband and I discussed today about the people we´ve dated in the past. My husband didn´t have a busy dating life when he was still single.
He was a shy guy who tended to be quiet when in a crowd, he was also anxious of approaching women. He´s the typical attractive but introverted male.
Not that something´s wrong with him — he´s tall, good-looking, athletic, financially stable, and definitely a nice a guy. But as an Asian who moved to Europe when he was a kid, he grew up to become shy. His shyness, however, was often mistakened for arrogance or snobbiness. (Very similar to my story, right?)
He was in two serious relationships, both ended in broken heart. He had also dated five more women, but it was either he didn´t feel the same spark or vice-versa. He honestly and politely told them the real reason why he couldn´t see them again. He´s not the type to simply pull away in early stages of dating without explanation, a.k.a. the slow fade.
Then he was single for over five years before I met him in a social net working site.
After we got married and I moved to Europe to join him, I became friends with two of his close friends who were (and are still) bachelors. These two men are definitely husband materials. But they too are still (shyly) waiting for the right woman or they´ve probably resigned to the bachelor life. What a waste!
Interestingly, these men, including my husband, are in the same field of engineering. Quiet, self-actualized, laid-back men who are good in numbers.
Did you know that there´s a formula to make a man feel that special desire for you? Make Him Desire You.
But this post isn´t about how to hunt an introverted, quality man (I will write a different blog post about that). The point that I am trying to make is that there are more single and available quality men out there than you actually think.
But how are you going to find a man?
1. Identify the type of man that you want to attract.
You don´t need to attract every man. You only need to attract the men that are right for you.
So you need to have a plan.
Identify the qualities that you want in a mate. Write down everything that you want in a potential boyfriend. For example, honesty, assertiveness, confidence, sensitivity, etc.
Next step is to narrow your list down to ten. From these ten, narrow it down to five. Or better yet, to three. Now these are your top three non-negotiable requirements in a man.
Add these qualities to the ultimate three non-negotiables which are: 1.) healthy (no known addiction or mental illness, 2.) confident (of who he is, what he makes, and where he is in life), and 3.) available (he´s not in a committed relationship and he wants to be in a relationship).
Now you have a total of six non-negotiables, unless some of them overlap.
You will only hunt for men with these qualities. Your focus is quality over quantity.
2. Go out with a group of single women.
If you´re looking for a man, you need to put yourself out there. You need to go out and socialize. But your chance of finding a man is higher if you go out with a group of women. You´ll appear more attractive and hot if you´re with a gang. This is known is the Cheerleader Effect.
The term became widely known after it was introduced in the seventh episode of the fourth season of the popular TV show, How I Met Your Mother. Neil Patrick Harris’s character points out a group of girls in a bar who collectively appear attractive, but on closer inspection display serious physical flaws.
To examine this theory, scientists at the University of California did a study about whether or not a person really looks more attractive when in a group than when alone. The result was astounding.
They found that the cheerleader effect is caused by our tendency to perceive faces in a group as an amalgamated average, rather than separate individual objects, and the fact this “average group face” is more attractive to us than the faces that make it up.
This phenomenon gives you an advantage when you´re dating. You´re morely likely to find a date when you go out with other single women. Three people makes a group, so start with that number.
3. Don´t be wary of going out with a prettier pal.
Some girls are intimidated when they´re going out with a more beautiful friend because they find her to be a difficult rival when it comes to attracting men.
But one German show conducted a research about what happens when an average looking woman goes out with a hotter friend.
It became apparent that even if the prettier friend quickly attracts men, the average-looking one will also attract men´s attention shortly thereafter.
4. Be an initiator.
In my article How to Become a Natural, Elegant Flirt, I covered the reasons why you need to do more of initiating contact with men. So I am not going to discuss it here.
However, in relation to tips #2 and #3, if you´re going out with a group of female friends or with a pal, all the more that you must do the initiating whenever you´ve sighted someone that you´re attracted to.
Why? Because men tend to be shy to approach a woman if she´s with a group. It´s already difficult to be rejected. It´s even more difficult to be rejected when there are spectators.
So when you´re out and about with your friends, keep your eyes busy. Look for some cute guys that you´ll feel attracted to, then initiate contact with those guys.
5. Be brave and go out alone.
Dress up, put on your flirty hat, and go out alone. Whether it´s going to elegant bars, to book stores, or to museums, you´ll increase your chances of being approached by men if you´re alone.
Of course, just go to safe places. And make sure you have your phone, and some cash for a cab.
6. Improve your posture and facial expression.
Pay attention to how you look and behave when in public. Do you stand slouching in the corner, does your face frown all the time, or do you appear bored while fingering your phone all the time?
If you´re wondering why no men approach you even if you go out, these are probably the reason.
If you want to get a man´s attention and make him pursue you, learn how to conquer love by playing hard to get.
Looking unapproachable and uninterested will keep men away because they´re afraid of rejection. Smile, stand straight, and try to look welcoming.
7. Date as many men as you can.
A male DJ asked a female caller if she´s dating or in a relationship. She answered she´s not in a relationship and she´s not dating.
The DJ commented that if she wants to find a man, she should go out and date.
The caller responded with a disgust, “Of course I won´t! Women who always date look cheap.”
The DJ argued that that´s the common misconception among women. Going out and dating men doesn´t make you look cheap. It actually allows you to widen your options.
I agree with the DJ. Based from my experience, which is also confirmed by many relationship experts, dating is like job hunting. A job applicant who is currently employed is more attractive to prospect employers than an applicant who´s currently jobless.
It works similar to dating. A woman who dates a handful of men appears more attractive and interesting to men than a woman who isn´t dating.
Make him commit and surrender his heart to you, learn how to be “the woman men adore and never want to leave”.
And as the DJ clarified, dating doesn´t equate to jumping to his bed. You´re only going out to meet more prospect men. The bonus is that the more option you have, the more you´re able to find the perfect fit for you.
8. Join online dating sites.
Because everything is now digitalized, it´s important not to miss out with the best. Balance your offline dating with online dating. You´ll never know what awaits you.
I have a virtual friend who seemed to date all the wrong men. When she gave online dating a try, it didn´t take her long to find the man of her dreams.
She created her online dating profile right after she ended an on-and-off toxic relationship in order to divert her attention. Eight months later she got engaged. She now lives happily with her husband and their six months old child.
Being proactive in looking for love both online and offline will double your chances of finding Mr. Right.
There´s no short cut to finding a man who will make you happy. It´s both fate and work. But with the right knowledge on how to navigate the dating world and the will to enjoy the process, you will definitely find your true love.