You increase your value in his eyes if you know how to play hard to get with a guy.
The quickest way to lose in the dating game is by chasing him. Chase him and you´ll turn him off. But play hard to get and you´ll increase your value in his eyes.
Here´s the universal nature of men — if you chase him, he´ll retreat. If you do nothing, he´ll advance. This works both in dating and in marriage. According to John Gray of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, men are like rubber bands.
If they retreat, they act like a rubber band fully stretched, they will retreat as much as they can. If you don´t chase him, he´ll bounce back like a rubber band bouncing back from being stretched — as close as he can.
If he´s the one chasing you, you have the upper hand because the person who´s being chased is the one who has the most power.
If you want to get a man´s attention and make him pursue you, learn how to conquer love by playing hard to get.
But the question is how to play hard to get? Now, before we tackle this question, it´s important to note that playing hard to get doesn´t mean you´ll never give a hint that you´re interested, available and approachable.
Never giving a hint is seriously the worst advice my parents ever gave me. I grew up being told that if a man finds out that I was attracted to him, he would look down on me.
So even if I knew that the guy I liked liked me too, I acted aloof, as if I was never interested on him. I kept my distance, never gazed at him, believing that if he would get a clue, he´d be turned off. But how I wished I did give him a clue! See: How to Become a Natural, Elegant Flirt.
It explains why most of those admirers never took the step to express what they felt for me. I played hard to get … to the extremes.
Playing hard to get is NOT about having some tactics you can execute for a deliberate mind game. This is about actually BEING hard to get, for real, from the inside.
It´s important that you give the guy a hint that you´re interested on him but never pursue him. Here are three ways you can play hard to get.
1. Don´t call him first.
If you have a chance to have a friendly conversation with him, flirt a little bit and give him your number so that he has a way to reach you. But don´t call him. Calling men is a mistake many women are guilty of and it´s a behaviour that actually causes many failed (to-be) relationships.
The moment you feel comfortable with him, and especially if you have the idea that he likes you too and is excited to know more about you, you then start calling him endlessly. This turns him off because it shows that you´re not the hard-to-get girl who he thought you were. It kills the excitement.
Make him commit and surrender his heart to you, learn how to be “the woman men adore and never want to leave”.
Although you want to give him the chance to make the call first, you are very much into him that you can´t help but dial his number. This is especially true if you´ve already waited for a day or two and he still hasn´t called you like he said he would.
The anxiety is excruciating so you pick up the phone and call him. Anyway you both are adults, right?!
But what you don´t know is the impression that you made on him and the thoughts that he has had about you, purely basing from the fact that you called him first.
Once he´s called you first, do let him know that you´re happy to hear from him. Be excited and show your interest in him.
If you missed his call and he left you a voicemail, do return his call rightaway. Putting off returning his call for too long, say over 24 hours, will kill the initial attraction that you´ve made with him.
2. Don´t email him first.
If you think it´s a good idea to email him first, you´re wrong.
Unless otherwise you found him on a dating site for the first time and you´d like to introduce yourself. But if you´re already on the getting to know each other stage, stop the urge to email him endlessly. It works the same way as calling him.
Wait that he emails you first, or wait that he responds to your last email before you email him again. Also, even if you´re overjoyed, jumping up and down the moment you saw his new email in your inbox, don´t panic. You don´t have to respond to it within nano-second. It will show that you´re so eager.
Wait several hours before you return his message. Mirror his frequency. This shows him that you have your world exactly in place whether he emails you or not. You´re not dying for his email.
But once you do reply to that email, make sure your enthusiam is conveyed in your email. The last thing you want is coming off as uninterested.
3. Don´t text him all the time.
Texting him all the time, always checking out on him, and always sending him sweet nothing messages convey that you´re always thinking of him and that you´re so into him. These actions become even bigger turn offs if you do them when men are pulling away.
It may seem hard not to pursue the man because texting is easy to do and quickly accessible, but the damage that your pursuing will cause will negatively affect your dating success.
So resist the urge. Keep yourself occupied while your waiting for his call or text.
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4. Don´t send him gifts.
It´s embarrassing for me to confess this but I did make the hideous mistake of sending a guy that I was getting to know with birthday gifts once. I bought him a really gorgeous shirt with a complementary neck tie.
In my head I wanted to show him that I was unlike other women who ask for material things from their men. I´m a financially independent woman who could afford to be the one giving gifts.
As you can guess, the guy quickly lost interest in me. He did not say “thank you” for the gift. And his emails stopped coming abruptly.
What a loser! After I sent him that very fancy gift which took me a couple of months to save, he stopped contacting me. I didn´t understand why at first, but later I figured that it turned him off because giving him gifts came off as trying to bribe his attention.
5. Do Less.
In order to play hard to get and be that illusive girl that he´s attracted to, simply do less and don´t do more. Only do as much as he does to you. This sums up all the tips we have discussed above — don´t call him first, lessen the frequency of your calls, emails and text messages, don´t shower him with gifts, and don´t pursue him in any way.
It´s important to remember, however, the importance of mirroring. If he´s nice to you, be nice to him. If he calls you, be sweet, charming and appreciative of his efforts. If he´s making you his priority, make him your priority too (provided you´re really into him).
This will send him the signal that you´re interested on him but that he needs to pursue you.
He´ll be happy to do the chasing if you effectively play hard to get.