If you and your boyfriend start to discuss about spirituality only after you got serious in your relationship, then it´s too late.
Many women tend to make the mistake of sweeping under the carpet the topic of spirituality, religion and beliefs during the early part of dating for fear of losing the guy. But this is wrong.
“A major aspect in dating is spiritual compatibility, or the extent to which you are a good match in your faith lives”, says Dr. Townsend, co-author of Boundaries in Dating, a dating and relationship guide for Christians.
God is the author of all good things, including dating. You are to fit your dating life into your spiritual life and not the other way around.
How important is your spiritual faith to you? Are you looking to end up with someone who shares your faith, or are you willing to compromise your faith for the sake of love?
I´m recognizant that this topic is difficult, in fact complicated, to some while utterly simple to others. So many questions arise when you consider the spiritual dimension of dating:
- Is this the person God meant for me?
- Are we spiritually compatible?
- How do I bring “God” into the relationship the right way?
- How do we relate spiritually?
- What if we disagree spiritually?
- Am I in denial about the spiritual conflicts that we might have?
Since marriage is a heavy life investment, dating can also be the same. You want to approach dating with the possibility of marriage in mind, so it´s crucial that there´s some kind of questioning and discussion about your spiritual beliefs early during the getting-to-know phase. This process will result to either one of these two:
- Through many experiences, conversations, and questions, you settle for the one who loves God as you do, one who can help you grow even closer to Him.
- You don´t feel some sort of conflict or loss even if your date isn´t on the same spiritual wavelength as you because there is a problem in your own religious life. Something is broken.
A married couple who pray together has a bigger chance of marital success than a couple who has an interfaith marriage. So taking God to a date is not only an option, it is key.
Surrender
Surrender is a first and necessary element of bringing dating in line with God. Surrender brings us into proper alignment with God, so that many other things will happen that will grow us up.
Pray for the man that you are dating right now or that you will date in the future. Ask God to show you signs so you will know if he´s the one He has prepared for you. Pray that God will strengthen your faith so that you will be able to put God first and your date second.
Ask God to guide you as you navigate the complex dating arena.
Don´t Wait
One of the common problems that you may have found in searching for a potential date is almost all the single people in the church are already taken. Thus, you expand your search to the work environment, hobby centers, sports and social work, networking, and even online dating. These in fact are recommended.
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Make him commit and surrender his heart to you, learn how to be “the woman men adore and never want to leave”.
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Unfortunately, this may mean that you may not know much about the person´s faith as you evaluate whether or not you want to pursue dating with him.
You can tell a lot about a person´s personality based on how he operates in the world, but that doesn´t mean his character is derived from Christian character or from his religion.
Don´t wait until later to make your faith part of your relationship.
Be Okay with Spiritual Differences
Spiritual differences exist even between two people who have the same religion. Don´t beat your date trying to convince him of a certain position. Enjoy your differences and try to learn from them.
“… But test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world.” ~ 1 John 4:1
Walk Your Talk
Unfortunately, there are many people who claim that they are believers but they don´t walk the talk. It is recommended that you and your date develop a relationship in which you are both challenging each other to “walk your talk”.
It is true that finding and choosing the perfect mate who is compatible with you is challenging given the many things to consider of which include the spirituality.
But if you take God on a date, at least you can be rest assured that you´re not doing it all alone.
