Women should not initiate that serious talk with him. In fact, initiating that serious talk with him when you´re still on the getting-to-know-each-other stage is a bad idea.
After a month of getting to know each other with the man you´re attracted to, you tend to already fantasize the future and see you both as an item.
Fast forward two or three months later, after all those fun and happy playful dates, and he still didn´t pop the question, “Will you be my girlfriend?”, you feel the pressure to do the initiative, sit him to a serious talk and ask, “where is this whole thing going?”
But instead of maneuvering what you and him already have into the path that you want it to go, you simply kill the fun because now, he feels like everything suddenly got too serious. He feels pressured.
Whether he is or isn´t ready yet, men hate it when they are being led on, especially unto serious relationships.
If you want him to love you, learn how to capture his heart and love you forever.
We women are very much guilty of this, being too serious too soon in a relationship. That includes talking about marriage immediately after a few months since you two officially became an item. I made this deadly mistake one time in a potential relationship and shortly thereafter, it spoiled everything up.
The scariest thing however, I didn´t know what killed that potential relationship until it was beyond repair and I found myself wondering, what did I do to put him off?
Although I never initiated any serious talk, I dropped hints that I couldn´t wait for him to claim me, or that I was looking forward to a serious relationship with him, by talking about our future together.
Here are three reasons why having a serious talk with him is a bad idea.
1. Women should not initiate that serious talk with him because he probably isn´t ready yet.
He finds you nice, attractive, easy to get along and fun to be with, but that doesn´t mean he already knows if you´re really the one for him.
He needs to assess things in his own time and his own terms. Men take time to fall in love.
If you pop that seriously dreaded question early, you´re stripping him of that chance to get to know you more and to decide that indeed, you´re that type of woman who men want to marry. You´re making him feel pressured.
Men don´t like to be pressured.
So the next time you feel the urge to initiate a serious talk with him, pause … ask yourself … Do I really want to pressure him?
2. Women should not initiate serious talk with him because it gives him the idea that you´re so over him.
Once you sit him to a serious talk, you are very likely to profess your love for him, that you feel he´s “the One”. How about him, does he feel the same way for you?
Professing how much he means to you and wanting to know if you mean as much to him kills the chase. He wants to chase you and not the other way around.
Making him address where you both are heading in a serious manner is a killer because it cuts the chase.
Make him commit and surrender his heart to you, learn how to be “the woman men adore and never want to leave”.
While it´s important to communicate that you´re interested with him and that you enjoy his company, you don´t want to send the message that he´s your only option and he´s the only solution to your problem — being single.
3. Women should not initiate serious talk with him because he wants that “serious talk” to be his idea.
Men of all walks of life and backgrounds want to be the leader, especially on his romantic relationship. No men want to be a phony unless probably they have other motives other than love.
That means that as a leader, this whole serious talk needs to be his idea. He´ll love to guide you into having a serious talk at the right time if you let it be his idea.
Don´t ruin whatever good things you have with him by initiating a serious talk early. In fact, you should consider the idea of never initiating that talk. It´s not your job, it´s his.
What should you do if he´s NOT initiating the talk?
This is a very important question and I want to address that here clearly. But before that, I´d like to talk about a female reader who recently left nasty comments on this post (June 2018), as well as on my other articles here on the blog, because what I have said on this article triggered her.
With the many whiny things she´s said, this is what stood out: “Stop teaching women to be doormat! They can initiate the talk if they want too! You sound very inexperienced.”
To which I responded, “If you think you can make it work, go ahead! Do it. And goodluck.”
Yes, ladies, I wished her goodluck because I know that her initiating the “serious” talk or the “exclusivity” talk EARLY in the dating relationship will never work. NEVER.
I don´t teach women to be doormat, far from that, but I teach what works.
So if women should not initiate that serious talk with him in the early stages of dating, what should you do instead?
Is it already been a while yet your guy is still not stepping up? More than three months of dating and he´s still not claiming you as his girfriend? Has he not expresseed his desire to be in an exclusive relationship with you?
If you don´t like it, downgrade him. Stop making him your priority, and stop waiting for him.
Focus your attention on your other suitors. Ideally, you should be seeing other potential males as well. Some dating coaches call it “rotational” dating, some call it “circular” dating. I call it “widening your options”.
If you don´t have other suitors in queue, regroup, put on your flirt hat and go back hunting.
So how long is “too long” waiting and it´s time to downgrade your passive guy?
At around three or four months the guy should already know if he wants to have a committed relationship with you. Around this time he should already have made up his mind and popped that most-awaited question, “Will you be my girlfriend?”
If it´s been more than four months and he´s still not offering you more of a commitment, you shift your attention. You see him less, and you see more of other eager suitors.
Do it without drama. Without telling him, or giving him a warning. You just do it.
If he bounces back and becomes assertive in offering you commitment, then it´s your time to assess if you still want to be with him.
Instead of worrying when are things going to be clear between you and him, focus on having fun (and by having fun that doesn´t mean not having standards), enjoy yourself and don´t be too serious or too hopeful that he´s “the One”. Don´t get too attached too quickly.
Also, for as long as things between you and him are still not clear, and he´s still not leading you to the path of a committed dating relationship, make your options open. Entertain other suitors. Date other potential mates.
You don´t want to disarm him by sitting him to a serious talk early, but you also don´t want to put all your eggs in one basket. Time is of essence and you don´t want to waste it on someone who either can´t make up his mind or who just wanna play around.
Once he´s ready to guide you into that serious talk that you so await, you´ll feel great because you know that he´d put so much thought on it and that he really wants to be a part of your life.
Remember the reasons why women should not initiate that serious talk with him next time you´re in a getting-to-know-each-other phase with a guy. Show him that you´re a high value woman and he´ll be eager to work for the prize.