In order for men to see you as a high-value woman, you must first and foremost see yourself as high value.
It´s not that I was forever single for the first twenty-four years of my life because I never tried, I did try. I signed up and created profiles to as many online dating sites as I could possibly count. I tried blind dates. And I was open to men who showed interest in me (at least I learned to communicate that I was available by the time I turned twenty-two) whether at work, in my social circle or on social networking sites.
What I didn´t learn early, however, was how to communicate to men that I was a high-value woman.
To be honest, it didn´t even occur to me that I was high-value. My low self-esteem to blame, I considered myself really lucky if a high-quality man would pay me attention.
“Men commit to women they perceive as high-value. And this “high-value” is most clearly communicated to men through the way you allow them to treat you.” ~ Bruce Bryans
As you can guess, despite having several quality men who were interested in me, none of those dating relationships blossomed into a committed relationship. I had to go through the process of becoming a truly high-value woman before some high-quality men would want to have me as their girlfriend.
Table of Contents
Know That You Are a Woman of Value.
To begin with, I want to be clear on this one important point: no matter what your circumstances are, you are a woman with value. You are worthy of love, kindness and respect. You deserve to be treated with adoration and to be honored by a wonderful man.
How can´t you be? God created you according to His image. God loves you so much He sent His son Jesus to die on the cross and be your Savior.
When this realization dawned on me, I understood that being already a woman with value, all I had to do was embrace my worth and learn to communicate to men that I am a high-value woman.
Whether or not you believe in God, it´s important to realize that your worth as a person and woman is inherent. You are worthy just as you are.
You may have already learned how to package yourself as a “high-value” woman, or you probably are yet to learn to acknowledge and embrace your worth as well as learn how to communicate it to men.
Whatever is the case, let these ten traits serve as your checklist as you self-evaluate and self-discover. May this be your guide as you embark on your journey to becoming the coveted high-value woman that you are.
What Type of Girlfriend Are You?
It´s important to know your personality type in relationships so you will have an idea what type of guy suits you best.
1. You have a solid sense of dignity and self-respect.
Dating can be a fun and joyful experience, but it can also be messy, tiring and painful. It can even be dangerous. If you don´t have a solid sense of dignity and self-respect, dating can lead you to many negative experiences and heartaches which may ruin whatever self-esteem you have.
But having a healthy self-worth and solid self-respect means you will not tolerate disrespectful and abusive behaviors from men. You will not allow yourself to do things that will jeopardize your inner self-worth and self-respect all in the name of love.
Sometimes, even women who appears to be confident and have a high-opinion of themselves unknowingly or knowingly trade in their dignity and self-respect for a man´s love. They end up becoming “doormat” or they become an overly “Nice Girl”.
Remember that being a doormat or being “too nice” does not arouse a man´s devotion, and it won´t make him commit.
Whether things are going really well or really terrible in the beginning of a blossoming romance, always maintain your sense of dignity and self-respect.
2. You are happy on your own.
This was a difficult lesson that I had to learn on becoming a high-value woman. I used to think that I would be happy if I found a loving man who would love me, adore and spoil me. But it´s only when I learned to be happy alone did quality men start appearing and wanting to be with me.
a. Work on your happiness without a man, and men will want to be a part of your happiness.
You don´t need a man to make you happy. You don´t even need a man to complete you. But what a good and loving man will do is enhance your life by having someone to share your happiness with, and someone who will inspire you to be better.
Always remember, men are attracted to happy women. Men see you as a high-value woman because you have a fun and vibrant life of your own.
But what if you aren´t happy with your life right now? What should you do?
b. Pursue a passion.
What is that something you´ve always wanted to do but you always put off? Maybe it´s traveling, buying a house or decorating an apartment, sky or scuba diving, or cooking?
For me it was writing. Since my university days I`ve been a creative writing enthusiast. I posted my poems, essays and short stories on the internet. Who would have thought that a highly intellectual European guy would fall in love with my poems, then fall in love with me and pursue me?
I didn´t end up marrying that European guy, but pursuing my passion led me to marry the love of my life — an Asian who grew up in Europe.
That´s the thing about pursuing your passion. Not only does it make you excited and driven about doing what you love, but it also brings you (or leads you to) many surprises such as finding love.
3. You put value on your physical intimacies.
Modern women celebrate sexual liberation. Most young women today are sexually active outside marriage. In fact, I even met a female dating couch who will encourage you to have sex right away on first or second date as long as it´s something that you´ll enjoy doing.
But if you`re someone who reserves sex for later, after you´re in a committed relationship or after marriage, you will be accused by the said dating coach as “someone who uses sex as a bargaining chip”. And thus, in her book, you are a low value woman.
But I disagree. I see it differently.
In my book, a truly high-value woman put value on her intimacies, both her physical and social intimacies, and does not give them away so easily. A high-value woman offers her intimacy to a man after she´s certain that he´s earned it.
There are two reasons to this:
a. Men will consider something that they have to work for “high value”.
This doesn´t only apply to men but to all of us. If you have to work hard for something, you consider it precious. But if that something is easily accessible or if you could get it for free, you don´t put much value to it.
For most men, the timing of when sex happens plays a role on whether they fall in love with you or pull away from you. If they got laid before they fell in love, to them it may cheapen the relationship.
b. You will get attached to him after sex.
If you think that you want to have sex with a man just for the pure joy of having sex, then by all means go ahead, have sex right away. But don´t expect anything after the sex. (Disclosure: I personally prefer delaying sex after marriage.)
However, if you like the man and you would love to pursue a committed relationship with him, then by all means postpone the sex. Why? Because no matter how you psyche yourself, the moment you have sex with the man (whether or not you´re attracted to him), your body and brain release chemicals that will make you get attached to him for at least three weeks.
Sex will make you fall in love with him. But you don´t want to get there before he does. See: Why sex makes women fall in love – but just makes men want MORE!
After an orgasm you´ll experience an oxytocin release in your brain which creates a lot of trust for your partner and make you feel that “he´s the right person for you”. But if you haven´t given your dating relationship enough time to really get to know him, what you are dealing with is only an illusion of what he could become.
4. You put value on your social intimacies.
Next is putting value on your social intimacies. This point mostly refers to your online relationship. After you met a man that you´re attracted to, it can be tempting to quickly send him a Facebook friend request. Don´t.
Don´t initiate an online relationship with him until he proves that he´s romantically interested in you.
You don´t want him to get a false impression of you solely based from your carefully or not-carefully curated updates. And you don´t want him to get to know so much about you mainly from stalking you online. You´d want him to take you to a date, and get to know you by talking to you. That´s the way it should be.
5. The level of importance you give to a man is closely proportionate to his level of interest.
You know how to dance to his music. You´re aware of how much effort he puts on to chase you, and you mirror that. If you think that you are currently not his top priority, then you don´t make him your top priority.
But if you see that he´s stepping up and giving you more attention, then you will also increase the amount of attention that you will give him. Adjust accordingly.
Are you obsessed over a guy and you want him to see you as “the One”? Use these infatuation scripts.
You give when he gives. And you give as much as he gives you.
6. You never chase.
It´s a man´s job to pursue you. It´s not your job to pursue him.
I know it´s a cliché to say this, but “men are born hunters”. If they like a woman, they will run toward her. If they love a woman, they will do everything in their power to make her happy.
And as a high value woman you know this. You also know that doing the pursuing goes against trait #1. Because you have a solid self-respect, you don´t chase. Knowing that you are the prize and seeing yourself that way will automatically tell men that you are worth pursuing.
You may initiate contact especially in the beginning, and you may communicate to him that you´re interested, but after that you give him the space to pursue you.
When you find yourself wondering what made him pull away, you´re pretty much sure that it´s not about you chasing him — because you don´t do that.
7. You know how to appeal to his chivalry — his romantic side.
In other words, you know how to be a girl. Femininity is your ally. You allow him to take care of you. You know how to make him feel like he´s your hero. Ah, but if not for him, you don´t know how to change oil in your car! Ah but if not for his jacket, you´d be freezing the entire evening!
It doesn´t matter if you´re a CEO, a lawyer or a black belt in martial arts, when he´s around he feels like he´s your protector, and that he´s able to bring value to your life.
8. You don´t allow your desire to a man to stifle your authenticity.
“You will gain his respect and adoration when you do not agree with him about things that you genuinely don´t approve.” ~ Bruce
When you´re one-hundred percent attracted to a man, your tendency is to do everything to please him. You are tempted to bend and adjust your personal boundaries. In fact, you may be willing to bend forward and backward in order to keep him. You are not your authentic self. But behaving this way backfires because he will see you as a potential needy girlfriend.
From my experience, as well as from the stories of many other women who have found success in love, the lesser your attraction to a man the more likely that he will pursue you. Why? Because you aren´t worried about showing the real you, your true self. You are able to say “No” to things that you genuinely don´t approve, and you are able to uphold your dating boundaries.
That´s why Bruce Bryans, in his book How to Get a Man Without Getting Played, advises women that “the more you like a man, the more that you should be strict in implementing your personal boundaries”. This is the surefire way to gain his respect.
9. Until a man steps up and claims you, you are open to date other men simultaneously.
An old adage, “Never put all your eggs in one basket” applies not only in investments but also in dating. Go on a date with at most three men at a time.
Doing this will increase your chances of finding the man that you are compatible with. It will keep you from obsessing with a guy because he´s not the ONLY one you´re dating with.
It will build up your confidence (See? More men are crazy of you!) and it will also increase his high-value impression of you.
From these three men that you´re dating, one will just naturally standout.
But … as a heads up, there´s a situation when you may want to give up dating the other two and focus your attention on your potential Mr. Right. To find out when to do that, join the True Love Project.
10. You love being with him, but you also love your independence.
“If you wish to sustain a man´s interest longer than a few dates, you must create the impression that while you desire his closeness you also draw pleasure from your freedom. A man´s desire to claim a woman as his own is greatly intensified when she appears cheerful in her independence yet eager for his intimacy.”
It took me long to learn this (but I learned it on my own, long before I read about it in books) — to genuinely enjoy my independence. When I finally decided to pursue my own happiness and to make myself complete, men who were attracted to me treated me like I was the highest-value woman they could ever wished to have.
When men started treating me like the prize worth pursuing, I had to pinch myself in the beginning. You know, I wasn´t used being pursued. But it didn´t take long until I got used to it. It cemented my belief that you got to love your life and healthy, high-quality men will like to be a part of it.
11. You don´t put pressure on yourself. You enjoy your dating journey.
One of the reasons why men pull away in early phase of dating is they felt pressured. This is especially true if you sit him for a serious talk. But in reality, you only put pressure on him because of the pressure that you put on yourself.
You are more focused on the end result — to have a relationship with him — instead of just having fun and enjoying your dating journey.
Once you remove your expectation and you focus more on enjoying your dating journey, this no-pressure vibe will radiate to men. And in return, they will be able to focus on getting to know you more.
Note: It´s important to emphasize that while you enjoy your dating journey and you don´t put pressure on both yourself and the men you date, you still uphold your boundaries. Having a blast dating without boundaries is akin to a suicide.
Enjoy the journey but keep your boundaries in check.
So these are the ten traits that will make you a high-value woman that any quality man would want to commit to. Remember that more than just creating the illusion or faking being a high-value, it´s important that you genuinely believe that you are a high-value woman. Being high-value comes from having the right amount of self-worth.