Dealing with a man you love that backs away is no mean feat. You´re hurt, confused and unable to figure where you went wrong or how to get him back.
I’m tired of the game playing. I’m in love with someone and he’s backed away. I’m afraid I lost him. I just don’t know where I’m going wrong. How do I get him back and get the answers I need without pressuring him?~ Heidi
You remind me of another reader who wonders how she can make a man fall in love with her without tactics. She said the exact same thing, “I´m tired of game playing.”
So your problem is you´re in love with someone and he´s backed away. Now you want to know where you went wrong. Typical female thought processes, eh? It´s always your fault, isn´t it? It´s always a woman´s fault.
Maybe you did something wrong which jeopardized the chance of him falling in love with you, but maybe you didn´t.
Sometimes the only reason why he backs away is he´s not into you. Pure and simple.
My husband once went out with a woman who was very into him when he was still single (way before he met me). He wanted to give it a shot so he tried to get to know her. But he simply didn´t feel the spark. He kissed her, but that kiss only sealed the woman´s fate – broken heart. You know what they say? You´ll feel exactly if there´s something between you when you kiss.
It wasn´t the woman´s fault. It wasn´t my husband´s fault either. But unlike other men, my man was upfront. He apologized to her but told her clearly, he didn´t feel the same way. Although the girl was crushed, she was able to quickly move on because she wasn´t left hanging confused with all the “where did I go wrong?” self-blaming.
But not all men are like that. Many men prefer to simply disappear, without the courtesy of letting you know where exactly do you stand with him.
Where Did I Do That Made the Man I Love to Back Away?
Let me try to help you figure out if indeed you did something wrong. I don´t have a crystal ball with me and I´m no psychic, just to be clear, but I know some common mistakes women do that sabotage their chance of making a man fall in love with them.
1. Were you a needy girlfriend?
Neediness is a major turn off. Needy girlfriends come in many forms and shapes but we can describe them all the same. A needy girlfriend is someone who will do anything and everything, bend backward and forward, just to please a guy.
She doesn´t know how to control her emotions. She falls madly in love, head-over-heels with him long before she knows the guy, which means, she´s already madly in love with him way before she sees the real him and his real motives. You know, some men are just in for the treat.
She doesn´t have standards, or if she does, doesn´t know how to implement them because her heart always takes over her mind when she´s in love.
If you want to dissect more the needy girlfriend, read 51 Traits of Needy Women That Turn Men Off.
2. Do you know why men pull away?
Other than he´s not into you, there are other reasons why men pull away in early stages of dating. If you´re aware of these reasons, you would know how to act accordingly. You wouldn´t chase him around sabotaging the chance of him coming back to pursue you.
Men are like rubber bands. They will stretch away from you from time to time in order to have the space they´ll need to miss you; if you stretch away from them as well pursuing your life´s goals and happiness, they will bounce back chasing you.
3. Are you desperate for love?
When you´re in love, you tend to feel like you can never continue living without him. You need to get him, you need to have him, and you gotta need to make him fall in love with you. There´s this sense of urgency and neediness for your love to be reciprocated.
Do you want to know what goes on in a man´s mind? Learn How to Read a Man .
It´s quite normal wanting to be loved, but being desperate for love is a totally different thing. When you´re desperate for love, you are willing to sacrifice your standards in order to keep him. You are willing to take anything, even disrespect, just to get him back.
The catch is, if you forget self-respect in the name of love, the man you love won´t respect you. And if he doesn´t respect you, he won´t fall in love with you.
What Should I Do After the Man I Love Backs Away?
If you will try to get him back when he´s not ready, or if you try to chase him in order to get answers, you are going to pressure him. There´s no way of avoiding that.
Anyway, with that kind of man who backs away leaving you confused, the very likely answer you´ll get from him is “It´s not you. It´s me.”
Do you need the effective formula to make a man feel that special desire for you? Make Him Desire You.
You don´t need to do anything. Give him the space he needs. For the meantime, keep yourself busy. Don´t sit around waiting for him to come around, this will only drive you crazy. Focus on pursuing your life goals. Develop a hobby that you have since neglected. Do well at work. Go out with your girlfriends. Meet other men.
If this guy you love backs away so he could think things out but he also has feelings for you, seeing you happy and occupied even in his absence will urge him to come back to pursue you. But if in a matter of two months, despite you not chasing him around, you still don´t hear from him, it should signal that this man wants to back off from you for good.
It would hurt, but by now you should ready yourself already for that possibility. Just remember, if a door closes on you, a bigger and better door will open for you and will welcome you. So if the man you love backs away, respect his decision. Know that someone else will love you for real and will put value on what you have to offer.
No matter what happens, always take care of yourself and don´t forget to prioritize your heart.