What should you do if the guy you like avoids you after letting him know you have feelings for him? Should you keep on contacting him all the time or should you let him go?
Last year in December I met a guy and we exchanged numbers and called and messaged each other. Every day we hung out a few times but just in mid-January I started dating one of my best mates who had asked me out.
During that time I was still in contact with that other guy whom I was friends with and he knew about my relationship. After an amount of time I started developing feelings for him and so did he but I never confessed them. Until one day he had found out my boyfriend at that time was coming down from a different state to see me and he got cut so he started ignoring me in order to get me off his mind. As he ignored me he kind of drifted off my mind as well. After a few days I started to miss his company….I know this doesn’t sound fair to my boyfriend at that time…. I started developing feelings again and so then I broke up with my boyfriend which I had been together for 4 months but best friends for 2-3 years, because I felt like as if I was betraying him and it wasn’t fair on him.
I confessed to the guy that I have feelings for him and now that he knows I feel like as if he’s brushing me off playing hard to get. I messaged him all the time but he never replies. And when he does reply (whenever I’m lucky) his excuse is that he’s been busy which I know for a fact that that isn’t true. It’s been days and I can’t get him off my mind! It’s driving me insane to not think properly and straight! I’m having thoughts on just trying to move on and forget the whole thing and him or just telling him the truth and coming out with everything but I wouldn’t know how to start. ~ Ana
Dear Ana,
There are three possible reasons why the guy you like is pulling away.
1. The feeling isn´t mutual, he doesn´t like you as much as you like him.
Sometimes it´s easy to misunderstand a guy´s niceness or the attention he´s giving to you. He may have enjoyed hanging out with you but it doesn´t necessary mean he likes you to be his girlfriend. If he does, he would have conveyed clearly his intention to date with you … early.
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2. He doesn´t want to be chased, he wants to do the chasing.
Many men get turned off with women who do the chasing. You have confessed your feelings for him, you have contacted him all the time, and you are appearing desperate. You´re the one doing the chasing.
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3. He doesn´t trust you.
He knew that you were in a relationship with someone else while you developed feelings for him and dumped your boyfriend so you could chase him. This may have created a negative impression on him and led him to distrust you. If you could dump your boyfriend, who used to be your best friend, for a new guy, what´s the guarantee that you won´t do it to him?
I understand that you are confused and you don´t know what to do. My advice is to focus on you right now.
Get to know yourself better. Find out what exactly are the characteristics of a man that you want to have a committed relationship with. Don´t rush into a relationship without being sure of your feelings – you jumping into a relationship with your best friend without being certain of your love for him is an example.
Realize that you don´t need to be in a relationship to be happy. Jumping from one man to the next shows that you´re not confident with being alone.
Build up yourself first. Focus on doing well in your career. Invest on your own happiness. Pursue the things that bring you joy. Make yourself whole by taking time to heal and letting go of past hurts.
Stop chasing the guy who is avoiding you. If he really likes you, he will come around. Right now your homework is to learn how to control your emotion and how to stop being a needy girlfriend.
