When You Don´t Know Where You Stand With Him

Are you seeing or hanging out with a guy for some time now but you still don´t know where you stand with him? Here´s what you should do.

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Question:

Hello! I just found out about this blog and I must say I love it. When I saw the contact section I couldn’t resist myself, I need guidance!

Okay so I once saw this guy at work and was so captivated by him that I took the risk of asking for his phone number. He gladly gave it to me and we texted that day fine. After that neither I nor he texted each other but after a week he texted me and we started to meet up on our lunch breaks. He told me he was intrigued with me and he called me a few times as well. From the beginning he was not much of a texter, he actually is very guarded when it comes to have deep conversations or communication and right now we text sometimes but he kisses me at work when he greets me and when he leaves.

We have not been in a single date and he has mentioned it a few times, like he asks me out but when I ask him ‘when?’ we never come to an agreement. We get each other a lot and I feel like we both connect in different levels but I feel like he uses me just when he needs someone to talk to and to kiss me whenever he wants at work. Help?! ~ Angie

Answer:

If a guy says that he wants to take you out to a date and he means it, he will actually do it. But if he asks you out and yet he never came up with a specific date and has actually never taken you out literally, chances are he´s only falsely leading you to believe that he likes you and will take you out, indefinitely, so that you will be waiting for him to come around when and if he likes.

A man will only do this to you if he knows that you are into him and he´s certain that you´re under his spell. He knows that he has power over you. Starting from the day you took his number and you started communicating with him, his calculation of you entailed that you are willing to bend backward and forward in order to please him. You are willing to wait for him.

That he kisses you at work when he greets you and when he leaves, how exactly does he kiss you? If he´s cheek kissing you, that´s fine. Maybe he´s just practicing the European style of greeting one another. But if he´s kissing you intimately or passionately on the lips from time to time, when you two are not even an item, then that´s another story. If this is the case, then you are right in saying that “he´s only using you”.

If talking to you, kissing you and promising to take you out to a date are his ways in leading you to believe that he likes you too while avoiding the pressure to commit (in terms of time and money, granted that the man pays for the date), then it´s a form of deception in dating. Men who like to keep you around without making things clear where exactly do you stand with him are deceptive. You should not put high value on this kind of men.

Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option. ― Maya Angelou

So here´s what you should do. Next time he comes to kiss you (on the lips), move backward, put a hand on his chest slightly pushing him back, look at him in the eyes and ask him straightforwardly, “Why are you kissing me? Are you my boyfriend?”

Keep it fun, but watch carefully for his reaction. (This is going to be very interesting.)

He will do one of these two things:

1. Take you out to a date, court you, and set the relationship clear with you, or
2. He will avoid you because he´s not serious in pursuing a committed relationship with you.

If it´s the first that he´ll do, great! You´re no longer the confused waity girl, instead you´re likely to be his official girlfriend soon. But if it´s the latter that he´ll do, then even greater! You´re no longer wasting your precious time waiting for an emotionally unavailable man. Meet other men, go out on many dates, and enjoy the dating arena until you´ll meet the man of your dreams.

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Make him commit and surrender his heart to you, learn how to be “the woman men adore and never want to leave”.
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And while you do that, remember that the kind of woman that men want to marry is the one with standards. That woman sets the game, she won´t bend backward and forward just to please a man, and if ever a man will get a slash of her precious time for a date, that´s because he walked according to her rules. She´s a valuable woman in his eyes.

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