Why do men cheat is a million dollar question for many women. Can I still trust a man after I got cheated on? — is the next common question. Here´s my ten dollar answer.
My question is why do men cheat? I just broke up with my partner. I was his first ever relationship. We were so compatible and everything was great. We did so much together as we had so many interests in common including travelling, hiking, eating vegetarian food and exploring restaurants. Because of some reasons he had to travel alone and I couldn´t accompany him. When he got back he confessed of having slept with someone during his travel. It was a drunken mistake. I couldn´t take it off my mind so we ended things.
Why is it that I find someone who was so compatible with me and seemed so into me but yet when he was away he was so selfish? Will I ever be able to trust a man again?
~ Broken Hearted
There are many reasons why men cheat. I will discuss them below one by one and then we´ll pick the reasons that apply to you and your ex-boyfriend´s situation.
Table of Contents
1. They can.
Cheating is more commonly heard of among men than women. In fact, there are some cultures that turn a blind eye on men who cheat but crucify women who do.
We can wax philosophies but the simple reason why they cheat is because they can. Usually, it´s purely a physical act to them, without emotional attachment, a call of the flesh, a deed that after they´ve done they´ll can home, wash their implement with soap and forget that it ever happened. A man who is happy at home or in his relationship can still cheat.
But for women, the act of sex is emotional. If a woman cheats, it is because she´s unhappy in her marriage. She may not get that emotional attachment that she needs, or she does not feel desired by her man.
2. They think they can get away with it.
Men know that cheating is wrong, but they still do it anyway. Some men cheat because they think they hide it from their partner, some do it because they think their partner loves them enough to forgive them.
Even if they love their partner, men may still cheat and hope that they can get away with it.
3. He hasn´t become who he wants or needs to be or found who he truly wants.
Unless a man is self-actualized — he´s happy with who he is, what he does and how big his paycheck is — he´s not ready to commit and settle down. You´ve mentioned that both you and your ex had to look for a new job. It means that your ex is still not stable in his profession, he´s still not achieved his career goals, and he´s most likely still not satisfied with his current financial situation.
With him still climbing the ladder professionally, you can´t expect him to treat you as his top priority. That´s just the way how men navigate their life, their three Ws has to be satisfied — who they are, what they do, and how much they make. Unless a man is actualized in those three areas, you´re very unlikely to be in the top half of his list.
4. He hasn´t explored.
You were your ex-boyfriend´s first girlfriend. That means he hasn´t explored different tastes and menus. He is yet to do the exploration.
Make him commit and surrender his heart to you, learn how to be “the woman men adore and never want to leave”.
It´s pretty normal for most men to spend their youth exploring, gathering experiences as much as they could, before they grow matured. There are very few who wise-up rather quickly because they have a relationship with God, they want to do God´s will and their life is shaped according to godly moral standards. But again, these men are VERY few even inside the church.
5. The relationship at home isn´t happening like it used to.
This should apply to married couples (although it´s also true to couples who engage in premarital sex or cohabitation). In the beginning of the relationship or marriage there were lots of sex, and then it turned less, until it´s almost non-existent.
Most men can´t survive life with little or no sex. If it´s getting less, or if it´s no longer as exciting and enjoyable as it used to be, they´re going to shop for it somewhere else.
6. There is always a woman who´s willing cheat with them.
We don´t know if the woman who slept with your ex while he was away knew that he was in a relationship, but we do know that she was willing to engage in a casual sex with someone she barely knew. If you´re looking for the most important reason why men cheat, it´s because there will always be someone who is willing to do it with them.
These six reasons are exhaustive. I´m not sure about the first two, but I´m pretty sure the last four applies to your ex. Now you can have a good understanding why he has done it to you.
As to your question if you can still trust men again? Of course you can, and you should. Not all men are the same. Also, men can change. It´s only fair to say that once you´re ex is done exploring and he has completely actualized his three Ws, he can turn into a totally trust-worthy husband to the wife that he will choose to settle down.
Trust is a very important element in a successful relationship. Unless you trust a man, you can never have a good relationship with him.
My advice is for you to get to know a man really well before you fully trust him with your heart. Examine his three Ws. If he´s not achieved those three yet, don´t expect him to put you at the top of his list.
For the mean time, don´t make men your top priority. Focus on your career, pursue your life´s goals, and set more goals. Along the way, you will surely meet someone who´s already fully self-actualized. All the best!
