Enjoy being single but keep your mind open and stay positive because men are attracted to confident, happy women.
During our visit in Thailand for a three-week-summer-vacation, I met up with my friend Annie. She´s half Thai, half Chinese.
Annie told me that she´s so envious of me because I found the man of my dreams, got to share my life with him and travel the world with him. She´s sad because according to her, she´s not as lucky.
I cheered her up and convinced her that she´s still young, there are still plenty of possibilities for her to find her true love. Her answer was plain and flat — I´m not lucky when it comes to love, it´s my destiny to be forever single.
I explained that it´s just in her mind and that I don´t believe it. She insisted! In fact, a fortune-teller confirmed her fear that indeed, she´s never ever going to meet the right guy and be married. She believed it. (Update: 5 years later, shortly after a big heart break, she found her soulmate. She recently, happily got married.)
After we got back from the holiday, I was relaxing on our sofa while checking my Facebook account, when a high school batchmate messaged me. We weren´t close kind of friends, but we know each other.
Our conversation eventually headed into love and relationship. She´s a refine, single lady with pleasing personality and good character. She commented that she´s envious of me too because I look so happy with my husband. She´s sad because she has no luck when it comes to love.
I advised her to stay positive … but she insisted that she´s already accepted it — she will always fail in love.
Make him commit and surrender his heart to you, learn how to be “the woman men adore and never want to leave”.
It dawned on me that many single women have actually the same negative mentality.
Because they haven´t found the one yet, because they´ve been forever single, they believe that they´re not going to find the right one ever. They simply accepted that they have no luck.
In my opinion and from my personal experience, finding true love is a mix of three elements — luck, work and God. If I just sat in the corner waiting for my luck to happen and leaving everything to God to make miracles, I would still be single until now.
But I didn´t let fate determine my future, I took it upon myself to find my true love while I trusted that God would guide and lead me towards the right one that He had prepared for me. Below are the things that I did.
1. I Improved My Self-Confidence and Belief in Myself.
For so long I had a very low opinion of myself in terms of my looks. Several people around me had told me — directly or indirectly — that I would never have a boyfriend because I wasn´t attractive. In short, I was ugly. The sad part was, I believed them.
If I met a man online I would say, “I´m not much to look at but I´m a very honest, loving kind of person, hard-working and an achiever.”
I tended to put myself down first before the other person could — as a self-defense — and yet deep down, I was hoping that the guy would reverse my statement and say, “of course you look good!”.
Most of the time, I did get what I wanted to hear, the guy would tell me, “please don´t be harsh on yourself, you´re pretty.” But I already came off as an insecure lady and guys don´t like that.
The moment I realized this serious mistake, I started evaluating myself through a whole new lens.
I figured that I´m beautiful in my own ways and that I could improve my looks by making the most of my assets. And guess what? It worked! The next time I met potential mates, I naturally exuded confidence because I already knew that I´m beautiful.
Men are attracted to confident women.
2. I Learned How to Date.
In dating, you need to learn the art of conversation. Are you able to generate a good, fun and relaxing conversation with a man over a dinner date? Are you able to make him laugh? Are you able to ride a witty talk?
In a German TV show, Catch the Millionaire, there´s this cute sweet lady whom the real millionaire was attracted to. He gave her special attention that other women could only wish for — took her to dinner dates and sight-seeing in big cities such as Rome.
The problem with her was that, she didn´t talk. The guy had to be the one to initiate conversation all the time, he´s the one who asked questions and he even encouraged her to talk.
She had no eye to eye contact, she simply answered each question directed to her with one or two sentences.
If you want to get a man´s attention and make him pursue you, learn how to conquer love by playing hard to get.
On top of that, she was swift to initiate that serious talk with him, asking if “he sees a possibility of them becoming a couple”, of which the millionaire, startled, responded, “I can´t say that yet as I am still trying to get to know you”.
It´s no surprise when she was eventually eliminated. The millionaire said that she had her chance but she didn´t use it.
I used to be that girl. Not that I´ve been to many dates, but that men rarely asked me out for a date because I didn´t know how to flirt, to begin with.
But despite my deep-seated insecurities, by nature I`m a positive kind of person. I knew that if I wanted to get something, I could get it if I put on the work necessary to have it and if it is meant for me. I knew too that I could learn anything that I set my mind to learn, dating and flirting included. So I read many books and articles on dating, flirting and relationship.
Everything that I learned from reading and researching positively improved my skills in dating.
3. I Enjoyed Being Single But I Was Always Positive I Would Find Love.
During my early twenties, living and working abroad; alone and far from my family, I became lonely. It was during those years when I always longed to be in a relationship. But it was also during that period when I often appeared needy to men.
Most of my early online dating attempts failed due to my insecurities and neediness. Although I had a couple of short-lived relationships when I was approaching twenty-five, both also didn´t work out.
By thorough soul-searching I realized that the root to my problems was my unhappiness. So I decided to invest on my self-improvement and my own happiness. I stopped looking to be in a relationship in order to be happy. I made myself happy.
When before I had no social life, I started to go out more with my single female friends. I also learned to be mindful and to enjoy the journey to finding love rather than getting too hung up on the end result.
Being single has many perks — you have enough time to take care of yourself, you have more chance to pursue your dreams without having family challenges limiting you (e.g. raising children). Above all, you have more money to spend shopping (or more money to save)!
Enjoy this moment, but at the same time, stay positive. See: How to Be Happy Alone: 9 Ways to Be Happy While Waiting for Your Soul Mate
Be open to potential dates and keep searching. If you´re in your late twenties and thirties, make finding love a priority.
Expand your circle, meet new people, make new friends, go online and join online dating sites. Read relationship tips from relationship experts to help polish your dating skills.
That´s why dating is a skill, it can be learned and improved. And that´s why finding love is a journey, it´s meant to be enjoyed.
By keeping your mind open, staying positive and enjoying life, and living happily while learning how to deal with men and improving your dating skills, you´ll be attracting more quality men because these men are drawn to positive, happy women.
But the bottom line is, a positive mentality attract positive results.