When it comes to being nice to men, where do you draw the line? If he tells you that he needs your monetary help, are you willing to give?
A woman I know is too nice to her boyfriend. They both work as teachers in Thailand. She earns more than her boyfriend thanks to her sideline private tutorials. Her boyfriend also has a part-time job. He´s a member of a boyband which performs in restaurants and hotels.
They live together. But while her boyfriend keeps his money to himself, she pays the rent, for their food, their travel (which is at least once a year), his shopping (he fancies expensive stuff!), and even for his parent´s financial assistance.
Six years later and they´re still living together with the same set-up but with no discussions whatsoever for a future together.
Another friend of mine is also too nice to the men she dates. She had a boyfriend who´s a graduate of civil engineering. Somewhere down their relationship she decided to work abroad so she could save some money and help her family.
Her boyfriend went to a review school to prepare for his board exam. He asked her to pay for his review which he promised to pay back once he passes the exam and gets a job. My friend happily complied.
When he applied for the board exam, he asked her to pay for the fees. She paid for them as well.
A year later, when her boyfriend was already a certified civil engineer and with a handsome job, she went home for a vacation excited to see her accomplished boyfriend. But during their meet-up, her whole world crashed when he showed up with his fiancée.
All the while she was sending money to that unfaithful man like a sugar mom. She never saw her money back.
But it didn´t stop there. Broken hearted and single, back to the isolation abroad, her ex-boyfriend (from her university days), still a single man, started contacting her hinting for a possible courtship.
She welcomed him. Then he asked to loan some money, which she quickly agreed to. After the money was wired, her illusion of getting back with her ex slowly faded.
Being “too nice” is a trait of needy women.
Another woman, whose story I read on the internet, ended up in financial ruins because of being too nice.
Her boyfriend asked her to loan him money for the down payment of his house. He also invited her to live with him. But the house he bought was in another city, far from her work and far from where she was living at the time.
Overjoyed from the invitation, she resigned from her job, moved to his city, took a new job, and gave him her entire savings and monthly salary to help pay his house, expecting that he would marry her. Many months later, her boyfriend unceremoniously dumped her and demanded that she leave his house.
Penniless and homeless, away from her family and friends, she didn´t know what to do or where to go. She went to a 24 hours store and cried her eyes out until some workmates found her and gave her a place to stay.
Shocking, right? But the reality is, this is happening to a lot of women!
So what´s the good rule of thumb when it comes to loaning money? Don´t.
Do. NOT. Loan. Money. To. A. Man. You. Are. Dating.
Because if you are a nice girl who runs to his aid the moment you sense that he needs you, chances are, you will give blindly.
Usually it´s the women who are struggling who don´t think twice about handing out their hard-earned money. For example, she´ll loan him money to buy a stereo for his car when her own car needs maintenance.
The woman from my first example above was sacrificing her time for rest—evenings and weekends were spent tutoring—so she could raise money for all the bills and expenses while her boyfriend lives like a prince.
My friend, the second woman, should have saved her money instead of giving them to the men she´s dating so she could quickly go home. It isn´t fun living in isolation as a private family tutor in the Middle East.
The third woman? Well, pure gullible.
You see, it´s about putting your own needs + future first before his. This may/will change once you both are in a comitted relationship or married, but before the comittment or marriage, girl, be selfish!
It´s about not letting men take advantage of you. It´s about not watering down your dating relationship with debts of gratitude.
Unless it´s between life and death and there´s no one with money who can save him, you have no reason to loan him money, no matter how sweet is the manner that he asked for the loan.
And unless it´s between life and death, it should propel you to question his attitude towards money, he´s ability to be self-reliant, and most importantly, his ability to provide.
Remember this important dating rule: If a man is very consumed with not being taken advantage of, this is a sign that he´s “on the take”.
If you´re the one always spending money on him, then compare it with how much he spends on you. When he´s the one who always does the taking and you the giving, there is a serious imbalance in your relationship.
It´s about time you seriously evaluate this relationship + your motive in giving him money.